No Way Back
by Cut Throat Sweetheart
Summary: When a murder shakes up the squad, Alex and Olivia will need to fight to stay together.  As Alex continues to fight her old demons, can Olivia give her all to her girlfriend and her job?  Sequel to Melted.  A/O, Casey/OMC.
1. Prologue

Title: No Way Back

Pairings: Alex/Olivia, Casey/OMC

Summary: Sequel to Melted. The murder of a familiar face shakes up everyone and tests friendships and relationships. Casey tries to make wedding plans while balancing her work life and home life. Alex continues to fight her personal demons as Olivia becomes busier and busier.

We start with a short prologue. Thank you all for rejoining me!

* * *

><p>From the end of Melted:<p>

_"Benson." Olivia put on her professional demeanor. "Yeah, of course I'm available," she said rolling her eyes. "Queens Homicide? What do they want with us?" She looked at Alex apologetically, and the blonde nodded understandingly. "Why, who is it?" Olivia began rubbing her eyes, but abruptly pulled her hand away as the caller on the other end of the line answered._

_"Oh my God."_

* * *

><p>"Olivia? What's going on?" Alex tipped her head, trying to read her girlfriend's expression.<p>

"Yeah, we'll be right there. See you in a few." Olivia clicked the end button on her cell phone and looked up at Alex quickly before sliding off the couch. "I'll let you know in the car Alex, but we have to leave right now."

* * *

><p>There were a lot more people at the 16th precinct that night than Olivia could ever remember seeing after typical business hours. It seemed that no one from the police department had gone home, and Alex recognized a lot of people from the DA's office as well. The blonde gripped tighter onto Olivia's hand, not caring who was watching—there was definitely a reason to be afraid.<p>

"Where is she?" Olivia demanded when the pair reached Cragen's office.

"Our morgue. Queens had her, but I requested to have Warner examine her," Cragen responded glumly.

"What happened?" Alex asked softly.

Cragen stood up and sighed. He walked over to the quiet blonde and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "We don't know much yet, Alex. It was bad, but I promise you that you and your other colleagues will be safe."

Alex nodded. "But why would they come for her? What could she possibly have done?"

"We're going to find that out," Olivia replied, gritting her teeth.

Just then, a red head busted through the door to the office. "Captain, I have the warrant for her apartment…oh! Olivia, Alex…" Casey stopped short.

"Case, it could've been us," Alex said solemnly.

"I know. But it wasn't, okay? It's all going to be fine," Casey said reassuringly.

"We don't know that. Who says this isn't someone just after ADAs? I already died once; I don't care to do it again."

"We have no reason to believe at the moment that this won't just be limited to the one murder, Alex. We need you to remain calm so you can assist us with the investigation, alright?" Cragen looked into the blonde's eyes, and she nodded again as Casey dropped the signed warrant on the captain's desk and walked out.

"Has the crime scene been processed already?" Olivia asked.

"CSU finished about a half hour ago. They're bringing their stuff over now. I think Queens will have no problem handing this over to us. They're swamped anyway."

"And what about the autopsy?"

"Warner should be on that within the next few minutes."

"I'd like to see her first," Olivia announced.

"Me too," Alex chimed in.

"Well, you got the green light from me. I'll let Warner know you're coming down." Cragen picked up the phone as the two ladies left the room.

* * *

><p>"Not a pretty picture," Melinda said as they stood around the paled body. "Zig-zag cuts up and down the arms and torso and cigarette burns all over her chest. Cause of death, however, looks to be a simple gunshot wound to the forehead," she posted an x-ray on the screen in front of her, "that lodged in the frontal lobe."<p>

"If they just wanted her dead, they could've just shot her," Olivia mused. "They wanted to torture her first."

Alex just sighed.

"It would certainly appear that way. I still have to open her up of course, but that's what I'm thinking for now," Melinda replied.

"She either knew something, or the killer was in a rage. Either way, her last few minutes could not have been pleasant," Olivia said.

Alex saw a lot of herself in the corpse in front of her. About the same age, same occupation, same color hair, only a couple inches shorter. She shuddered.

Olivia looked the body up and down, from her pink polished toenails to her unkempt blonde hair. She shook her head.

"Who would want to do this to you, Gillian?"


	2. All We Can Ask For

_I'm sure our particular victim didn't come as too much of a surprise for anyone. That being said, if I actually offended anyone by killing off Gillian Hardwicke, please let me know! :)_

_Thanks for reading!_

* * *

><p>"Our victim is former Assistant District Attorney Gillian Hardwicke," Cragen stated loudly to the expansive group of cops that surrounded the screen. A recent photo of Hardwicke sat proudly on the screen; her eyes seemed to possess a knowing look, her smile a smugness that spoke volumes though the lips were closed. Next to it, the gruesome photo of her bruised, paled face as it was right then.<p>

Cragen continued. "Ms. Hardwicke had been displaying some uncharacteristic behavior in her final days as the SVU ADA. She insisted, when she told me she would be leaving the job in two days, that she had given a two weeks' notice. However, Jack McCoy informed me later that she had done no such thing."

Olivia nodded. That explained a lot.

"Also, Hardwicke withdrew from her last case unexpectedly, leaving Alex Cabot and Casey Novak to learn the case in just a couple of days. Except it wasn't actually Hardwicke who called to withdraw; it was her husband. After a background check, however, it turns out she wasn't married, so the identity of the actual caller is, so far, unknown. We currently have someone going back in the phone records to identify the number used to make the call, and trace it."

Elliot then came in to interrupt. "Captain, just got off the phone with Boston Homicide. They haven't heard from her, nor seen her. And trust me, that guy was pissed about it."

"That, by the way, was supposedly Hardwicke's intended next position. Apparently, she never made it," Cragen sighed. "That's all we got so far. Most of you have been assigned a member of the court to interview, just in case they noticed anything. The rest have either been assigned to her home or office. This is serious, everyone. This is one of our own, so let's get to it."

* * *

><p>"You didn't know her at all?" Munch leaned his head on his hands as he stared across at Casey.<p>

"Barely. She worked for Brooklyn before, and I always worked in Manhattan. When she transferred here, I was in Washington," Casey replied with a shrug. "I really wish I could be more helpful, but that's all I got, John."

* * *

><p>"I briefly worked in Brooklyn before I came to SVU the first time, but I only knew her in passing, and I haven't spoken more than two words to her recently." Alex shook her head at Elliot.<p>

"Yeah, I kind of figured as much," Elliot sighed.

* * *

><p>"Gillian tried her final case in my courtroom," Judge Petrovsky told Fin. "She seemed…a little off her game. I mean, she still took an easy win, but I noticed her fidgeting a little bit, and occasionally jumping to attention as if she'd lost her focus briefly. I figured it was just the stress of Special Victims getting to her. God knows it's not for everyone."<p>

"Were you able to speak with her at all during or after the trial?" Fin asked.

"Only in the context of the trial," Petrovsky replied sadly. "It's such a shame. She was a lovely girl…"

Fin hung his head. Just like everyone else in that room, he was getting nothing more than a statement of the obvious, and nothing that would explain the mysterious murder of Gillian Hardwicke.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Olivia and two other detectives from Manhattan Homicide turned the key in the lock and entered Hardwicke's office quietly. Olivia wasn't quite in full understanding as to how SVU had been given the authority to assist in the investigation of this case—it wasn't a sex crime—but wasn't looking a gift horse in the mouth. Sure, she and Hardwicke hadn't grown to be close friends like she'd done with Alex and Casey, but Gillian was a good person with a strong heart and conviction rate who couldn't possibly had deserved to die.<p>

"Let's check the desk drawers," Olivia said as she switched on the light. The men behind her nodded and followed her to the desk that sat unemptied in the vacant office.

"Why didn't they clear out this office?" the detective with jet black hair asked.

"I'm not sure. They knew she was leaving, but I guess they expected her to come back and do it herself before she left for Boston," Olivia suggested.

"Well it's a damn good thing," the other detective, sporting some sort of naval tattoo on his lower arm. "Look at the number of papers in here!"

"I'm sure they're all case files from us, but I'll look through them to be sure," Olivia volunteered. Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out and opened up a text message from Alex.

_Home now. Expecting you back tonight?_

Olivia sighed and texted her back.

_No promises. Sorry. Love you._

The black haired detective chuckled. "Yeah, my wife has no idea what's going on either. I assume that's your ball and chain asking what's up, right?"

"Nah, she knows what's up. She just left the precinct. Poor thing's pretty shaken up," Olivia replied. The phone buzzed again.

_Love you too. See you when I see you._

"She'll be alright though," Olivia smiled. "Now let me see those files." Each of the homicide detectives brought her a stack of files, and then returned to the desk to search the rest of the massive piece. There were several drawers, all completely full.

Olivia skimmed over the first pages of each folder, long enough to identify the name of the case as well as the outcome. Each defendant's name brought back the face of a perp, and in turn the face of one or more victims. She bit her lip; usually, once a case was over she could forget about it and move on to the next one, but this time Olivia needed to relive them all.

"Yo, Benson," the tattooed detective called out. "Looks like Hardwicke was locked and loaded." He held up a small handgun.

"A semi-automatic? Why would she need that? They've got security here," Olivia mused.

"I guess she was afraid of someone that was smart enough to evade security," he shrugged.

"But who?" Olivia picked up the pace as she fingered through the manila folders. "Remember him, remember him, remember her…wait." After several minutes of rustling, Olivia paused. "I never forget our victims' names. Twelve years and if you give me a name, I can tell you what happened to the person. But I don't remember this one." She pulled her phone back out and dialed Elliot. She tapped her fingers on the floor beside her as she waited for him to pick up.

"_Stabler."_

"Hey, it's me. Do you remember this case? People v. Andrew Morrison, victim's name is Jackie Stern."

"_Names don't ring a bell, to be honest. Why?"_

"I found this case file in Hardwicke's desk and she's listed as one of the prosecuting attorneys, but it's not our case. It's not even a special victims case."

"Wait a minute…" one of the detectives said suddenly.

"Hold on a second, El," Olivia spoke into the phone. "What?"

"I remember those names. That was a case of ours. One of our regular ADAs was on vacation and she must've been the one to stand in. The two of us never met her, that's why we didn't recognize her. But that was our case," Tattoo-Arm stated.

"I'll call you back," Olivia told Elliot. "Okay…do you remember anything remarkable about that case? For instance, why she would be brought in to try it when one of your ADAs could have easily carried it themselves?"

"I only remember that the victim's husband suddenly asked for the charges to be dropped, and when we pressed to know why, he only told us that it was for the best."

Olivia shook her head. It didn't make any sense.

"Oh, man," the other detective suddenly piped up. "Guys, check this out."

Olivia immediately stood up and walked over to where the detective was standing, staring at a piece of paper laid flat on the desk. "I found it lodged between the drawer and the desk, obviously being hidden."

"_Those who know too much cannot be trusted to live to share it. Sorry, Counselor._ What in the hell is this?" Olivia growled.

"I'd say a death threat," the detective said grimly.

"I'll take it for handwriting analysis," Olivia announced as she took up the letter and walked towards the door.

"Wait, Benson. There's one more thing you should know that my partner forgot."

Olivia turned. "What?"

"Jackie's husband, Brett? Dead. Single gunshot wound to the forehead."

Olivia swallowed. "Thanks."

* * *

><p>It was nearly four in the morning when Olivia turned the key in Alex's lock. She quietly shut the door behind her, hoping to the fates that Alex had fallen asleep by this point. It was going to be a very, very long next few days for the both of them, and if the detective couldn't get a decent night's sleep the attorney still could. She kicked her shoes off and arranged them neatly on the mat next to Alex's heels. She crept towards Alex's room, too tired to worry about changing or even brushing her teeth. She'd do that in a few hours anyway. She just wanted to crawl in next to her girlfriend and drift off for a little while.<p>

She silently pushed open the bedroom, and surely enough the blonde ADA had her eyes closed. Olivia took a moment to look Alex over. It was a night like this that she remembered how close Alex had come to meeting the same fate as Gillian Hardwicke. Yet she was here. The fighter the attorney was, every time the world knocked her down, she got up again and flipped it the bird.

Olivia pulled up the blanket and, on her side, shuffled her body underneath next to Alex until she could feel the warmth radiating off her body. She exhaled deeply, trying to let the tension of the night slip off, even if just for a little while.

"Welcome back," a soft voice suddenly said.

"You shouldn't be awake," the brunette whispered.

"And she shouldn't be dead," Alex replied, turning over to face Olivia. "Shouldn't has very little to do with anything in life."

"Come here, baby," Olivia said soothingly. Alex wrapped her leg around Olivia's, and pulled her face up next to Olivia's such that their chests fit together, rose and fell together. "I can feel your heartbeat," Olivia whispered.

"I feel yours too," Alex responded. "We're still alive."

"That's all we could possibly ask for."


	3. Flaws

_I promise to make sure I keep plenty of Alex/Olivia interaction as I try my hand at this case. Thanks for reading!_

* * *

><p>Alex might've awoken to the blare of car horns or the rustle of garbage trucks making their morning run, but it was the gentle run of Olivia's fingers over her forehead, pushing back the smooth strands of hair that stirred the attorney. Alex opened her eyes slowly to meet the soft smile of her beautiful detective.<p>

"If I ever go blind or suffer from dementia, I better never forget how gorgeous you are," Olivia said softly.

Alex chuckled. "You win for most romantic at six in the morning," she said, "but don't get used to winning."

"I have an idea of how to secure my title," Olivia replied, as she began to lay kisses around Alex's slender neck. Alex hummed contentedly as Olivia pushed the blankets off her lover. She moved her lips to Alex's as the blonde easily woke up enough to reciprocate eagerly. Her hands traveled down, brushing across Alex's warm chest.

"Hmm, baby, aren't you tired?" Alex asked, hoping that Olivia wasn't but knowing she had only gotten two hours of sleep.

"Yes," Olivia replied truthfully, "but it's a feeling I'm used to. Waking up next to you is something that amazes me every day. And I would love to finish what we started yesterday…"

Alex groaned as Olivia's bit gently on her earlobe and the brunette's fingers reached the bottom of her tank top. With no arguments, Alex held her arms up and Olivia gently slid the camisole off.

"You look even more beautiful in the morning, when the light is pouring through the windows," Olivia continued as she leaned down to chastely kiss each newly exposed breast. "It does wonders for you, you look flawless."

"I'm not flawless," Alex laughed, as Olivia's tongue tickled the skin between her breasts. "Far from it."

"Hmm," Olivia replied, gently tweaking one of Alex's nipples, causing the blonde to take in a sharp breath. "But even your flaws are strengths, to me…that arrogance of yours always turned me on," she winked.

"Liv, take your shirt off please…"

"As you wish," Olivia laughed, pulling her t-shirt off quickly and tossing it to the side. "And if you had perfect vision, you wouldn't wear those incredibly sexy glasses," she said, glancing over to where the small black frames sat on the nightstand. She leaned down to kiss Alex's lips again, slipping her tongue inside to meet its willing partner as their chests heaved together.

Olivia moved her mouth down Alex's body, reverently dipping inside Alex's navel and making the blonde's abdominal muscles shudder. "And your slight neuroticism…well let's just say you always manage to keep me in line," she grinned.

And Olivia's mouth moved still lower, tracing the lining of Alex's panties. "See, everything you call a flaw is what I call yet another reason I love you," she breathed out softly. She hooked her fingers into Alex's panties and gently pulled them down Alex's long legs until the prosecutor simply kicked them off.

"And if I manage not to screw it up," Olivia continued, eliciting a small laugh from Alex, "I plan to show you I love you every day from now on, even when you don't believe it." She kissed Alex's inner thighs lovingly until Alex could feel Olivia's warm breath over her core.

"Olivia…" Alex called out with a hint of discomfort.

Olivia looked up and frowned. "What's wrong? Do you not want this right now?"

"No, no…I do, I mean I _really_ do…but it's just that…that particular practice…"

"Alex, has anyone ever done, uh, this for you?" Olivia asked.

"Ah…no," Alex admitted, a faint blush creeping up onto her cheeks. "I don't really know what to expect."

Olivia reached her hand up and took hold of Alex's trembling one. "Alex, do you trust me?"

"With my life. You know that."

"Then trust me now, okay?" Olivia looked into Alex's eyes with sincerity.

Alex bit her lip, then smiled. "Okay."

"I love you." And then Olivia ran her tongue smoothly from Alex's opening up to the tip, tasting the blonde for the first time, and deciding she adored the flavor. She licked the full length twice more, and then went to work on Alex's clit.

As Olivia's lips sucked on her clit with such lovely force, Alex began to writhe in pleasure. "Oh God, Liv, so good…"

The brunette flicked the tiny bundle with her tongue and made circles on it before moving back towards Alex's opening. After a short glance up to make sure Alex was alright, she darted her tongue forcefully inside, earning her a scream from the blonde.

"Oh, oh…Liv…more!" Alex cried out as Olivia's tongue began to move faster and deeper. Alex had to grasp the sheets before she started flapping off the bed. She curled her toes, afraid if her lover kept doing these amazing things to her she'd lose control and kick her in the back of the head.

Olivia hadn't ever done this before, but as she continued to drink in the juices Alex's body was producing and began to feel her muscles contracting, she knew she'd want to do it again. Sensing that Alex was close, she moved her thumb back up to Alex's clit, and with just a couple of strokes, that was it.

"Olivia!" Alex threw her head back as her orgasm flew through her body, bringing with it sensations that were better than she'd ever experienced with any man. When it was over, she could only breathe out harshly and lay there completely still.

Olivia ran her tongue down the sensitive folds one more time, then came back up to Alex's side, waiting for her girl to recover, wearing the same smile she wore when Alex first woke up that morning.

When Alex finally opened her eyes, she saw that smile and had to wrap her arms around the detective's body. "I'm glad I trusted you," she whispered. "I want to stay here with you…but we have to get up."

"We do," Olivia replied sadly.

* * *

><p>"This makes no sense, Elliot. We're the Special Victims Unit. We don't do regular homicides," Olivia shook her head as she sat across from her partner.<p>

"This isn't a regular homicide, Liv, this was our ADA," Elliot replied tersely.

"I'm aware of that, and I'm angry about it, but our unit has other things to do!"

"We got this case because they knew that we would do whatever it took to solve this case. Don't we owe Gillian that? She did a lot for us you know."

"Well what are we supposed to do, tell all the rape victims that sorry, we have to do some other department's job before we can get to you? We've got to give this back to Homicide! I mean come on, right now our number one lead is a case that Manhattan Homicide was investigating!" Olivia ranted.

"We're perfectly capable of taking on multiple cases at once. It's not right to just forget about this. But we can collaborate with Homicide. In fact, that's exactly what Cragen is planning to do. He's in there with their captain right now," Elliot replied coolly, pointing at Cragen's office door. "Why are you so worked up about this, Liv? Talk to me."

Olivia just sighed. "No reason. I guess I'm just tired," she said lamely. "I'm gonna get a cup of sludge, want some?"

"No need," a voice came from the door. Munch strolled in with a tray holding four cups. "Four hot coffees for four exhausted detectives, guaranteed not made by me."

"Never loved you more," Fin said with a scratchy tone. "Wait, that came out weird."

Olivia laughed. "I'll never get sick of you guys."

"Yeah, well you'll be testing that theory right about now, cause we're gonna be here a while," Munch said, sitting down at the computer. "Meet Jackie Stern, victim in the Morrison trial. Twenty-six years of age when she was killed by a stray bullet as she and her husband took a shortcut home. Meet said husband, Brett Stern, twenty-eight years of age when he identified our defendant in a lineup as one of the people in the alleyway shooting at each other. Ballistics matched the bullet from Jackie's chest to the gun registered to said defendant. Meet Andrew Morrison, completely clean on the public record until this charge of involuntary manslaughter."

"Clean?" Elliot stated confusedly. "He's in the middle of a shootout in an alleyway and this guy's clean?"

"Wouldn't lie to you. But I bet precocious little Brett Stern thought just like you and did a little digging himself. And whatever he found must've scared him shitless to drop the charge."

"And get himself killed," Olivia added. "Morrison…think there's any chance we're dealing with the Irish mob here?"

"Could be, but hard to tell at this point. Since the charges were dropped, the investigation stopped. Andrew Morrison is on the streets and there have been no complaints from him since," Munch said.

"I guess we'll be paying him a visit," Fin sighed. "That's gonna be a fun one."

"Oh come on, partner, they're all fun," Munch grinned.

Olivia heard a cell phone ring from inside Cragen's office. "God, I can't believe they're still in there. Suppose they're plotting something?" she winked at Elliot.

"The city already plots against us enough," Elliot chuckled. "How many times have I gotten my pension threatened?"

"That ain't the city, that's the brass trying to keep you in line," Olivia laughed.

Cragen's door opened to reveal both their captain and the captain of Homicide, not looking happy.

"What's up, Cap?" Elliot asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Sit up, Stabler," he replied coldly. "Another ADA's just been killed."


	4. Blood Ties

**_Sorry for the ridiculously long wait for this chapter! Just got a new job, and it's kind of sucky :P_**

**_Thanks for reading!_**

* * *

><p>"<em>Please try to understand, Dr. Rosen. I'm very new to this whole concept of psychotherapy. Asking for help was never my strong suit."<em>

"_You're not my first therapy virgin, Alex," the doctor laughed heartily. Alex smiled; she thought she could like this woman. "I fully understand that blabbing your life story to a virtual stranger is going to be odd. But if you'll let me, I do hope and believe that I can help you."_

"_I'm not really sure where I should begin," Alex admitted._

"_Well, the first thing you told the intake counselor was that your girlfriend was the one to suggest therapy. Why don't you start off easy by telling me about her?"_

"_Alright…well her name is Olivia. She's an NYPD detective with the Manhattan Special Victims Unit—that's the squad I work with."_

_Dr. Rosen smiled. "What attracted you about her?"_

"_You're right, this is strange," Alex breathed out, blushing. "I suppose to start, she's always had this fearless protector thing about her, always putting others before herself…"_

* * *

><p>The detectives sighed. Another one, dead? Finally Elliot piped up. "Who?"<p>

"Homicide's own Garret Frazier," the Homicide captain responded gravely. "Found three blocks from his home in the West Village. The medical examiner hasn't seen him yet, but from the reports, he was killed in the exact same manner as Gillian Hardwicke." He turned to Cragen. "I think we need to consider this a serious threat against the district attorneys."

"We don't have enough uniforms to put a protective detail on everyone in the DA's office, Nick," Cragen replied.

"Shouldn't be a need," Olivia announced, finally regaining her voice. "This death was no coincidence. Frazier was the other ADA prosecuting the Morrison trial alongside Hardwicke. Out of any ADA that could've been killed, he turns up dead—it has to be connected."

"We can't take that risk, Liv, what if tomorrow it's Cabot or Novak?" Elliot said gently.

"Don't even fucking say that, Stabler. I'm telling you, Morrison has something to do with this, and once Munch and Fin question him we _will_ have a lead and we _will _catch the dirtbag who killed Hardwicke and Frazier."

"I'm sure that'll be real comforting to the next ADA to fall down with a bullet in their brain," Captain Nick said snidely. "I'll be back later, Don." He left the precinct then, Olivia staring daggers into his back.

"Yeah, ah, I think we'll get going," Munch announced to the air, jabbing Fin in the ribs.

"I think that would be a very good idea," Olivia replied angrily. The two quickly walked out with Andrew Morrison's last known address in hand.

"Olivia." Elliot knew his partner was worked up beyond rhyme or reason over this, and assumed it was because of who the targets had been. "You do know that this is serious, right?"

"Believe me, I know," Olivia sighed. "I'm going to do some more digging on the Morrison trial," she continued, standing and grabbing a folder off her desk to walk towards an empty interrogation room. "Hey, could you do me a favor?" she asked suddenly, turning her head towards Elliot.

"Of course."

"I'll have my eye on Alex, obviously, but could you keep an eye on Casey?"

"They'll need to know why, Liv."

"We'll tell them. But they don't need to be worried just yet. Right?"

Elliot ran a hand over his head. "I don't know. Maybe they do."

* * *

><p>"Thank God that's over," Casey said and heaved a sigh.<p>

"You can say that again. I was wondering how many pretty pictures they were gonna get those doctors to show us before they realized they couldn't convince a sane jury that this was just a case of a heartless bitch," Alex scoffed.

It had been business as usual today for Casey and Alex. The SVU cases didn't go on hold just because their former ADA turned up dead, and they still had a kiddie killer to prosecute. Successfully, as they would be quick to add, though it hadn't been easy. Alex absolutely despised when some sort of psychological defense came into play, and it always made Casey think about her ex-fiancé. Luckily, both of them learned to keep a level head in such situations, and they squeezed out a guilty verdict after several hours and arguments.

"I enjoyed your 'color-by-numbers' comment very much by the way. Was that planned or improv?"

"Completely spur of the moment," the blonde laughed. "I specialize in offhand insults."

"Well it's extremely entertaining. I think you even got a laugh out of the judge."

"Perhaps I should switch careers. Standup comedy could be fun."

Casey laughed. "That's not something I'm sure I could see."

"I can be anything I want to be," Alex huffed as the two of them reached their shared office. "On a completely unrelated subject, distract me from all the mess around us and tell me about your wedding plans."

"Let's see," the redhead mused. "I plan to get married."

"That was a terrible distraction. Hello? Dress? Location? Date? You haven't thought about any of that?"

"Unlike some people, I haven't been planning my wedding since I was six," Casey replied winking at Alex and pulling out a granola bar, taking a bite and half-swallowing before continuing. "For the longest time I didn't think I'd ever get married."

"Really? It's like an unspoken rule in my family. I don't have any siblings, but all but one of my cousins is married. And that's only because she's still in high school. Hey, give me some of that."

"No way, I'm starving, Cabot! And if they found someone they actually did want to spend the rest of their life with, then that's great. But I wasn't sure there was anyone out there like that for me. I guess I was wrong," Casey smiled.

"You guys do seem really happy," Alex said. "You almost make the concept of marriage appealing to me."

"You don't think you'll get married?"

"I'm like you thought you were. Not really the marrying type."

"Even to Olivia?" Casey tilted her head.

"God, Novak! That's not even close to appropriate to be thinking about now."

"Why not? You've known each other for years."

"Yes, but we've only been dating for weeks. Listen, just cause you're all giddy with wedding bells doesn't mean everyone has to be," Alex rolled her eyes.

"Sorry. I've just never seen Olivia happier than when you've been with her. It just makes sense to me."

"We'll have this conversation later, after we get you a proper wedding consultant. Honestly, Novak, no plans at all…"

Casey's phone rang out as its owner groaned. She sat up in her chair and reached for the offending contraption. "Novak."

"_Hey, Case, it's Elliot. I know you just got out of court and I was wondering if you'd like to grab some lunch?"_

Casey laughed. "You do know I'm taken, right Stabler?"

"_Very funny. I'm just hungry and I bet you are too. Bring Cabot if she's there."_

"Fine, it'll get her to stop stealing my snacks."

"_What?"_

"Never mind. Where should we meet you?"

"_I'll come get you guys at your office, if that's alright._"

"Why?"

"_I have to drop something off there anyway. See you in fifteen."_ Elliot hung up.

Casey looked at her phone questioningly, then shrugged. "Elliot's going to come get us and take us to lunch," she told Alex.

"And Olivia?"

"Didn't mention her."

"Oh," Alex said. "Alright." Truthfully, something seemed a little off to Alex. Elliot had always been a friend, and certainly a good coworker, but he had never really shown any interest in spending time with her outside of work without his partner. She knew he had played softball with Casey, but that was only because they both just happened to play. Why the sudden interest?

"Don't think about it too much, Al. We're getting food and you can stop trying to eat my granola bar."

Alex laughed lightly.

* * *

><p>"We're not getting jack shit out of Morrison until we have some grounds to arrest him," Fin said shaking his head.<p>

"And we don't have any," Olivia sighed. "Just theories. You didn't find out anything at all?"

"Not really. Morrison doesn't even seem like such a bad guy on the outside. He lives in a one bedroom with his girlfriend and has art on his walls. But all he had to say was that he wanted nothing to do with this case anymore and refused to talk about it."

"Hold up, hold up. There was _one _thing that may interest you. He smirked and asked how 'Cousin Jill" was doing," Munch relayed, raising his eyebrows.

"Jill? As in Gillian?" Olivia asked.

"He didn't specify, but if that's what it means, that would answer our question about why Hardwicke insisted on prosecuting this case."

"I'm on it right now," Fin said, pulling a database up on his computer. "Okay, Jacqueline Stern, née Harrington. Parents are…" he clicked around a bit, "Steven Harrington and Mary Harrington, née Leonard. Steven has no siblings, Mary has a brother, Richard Leonard, and a deceased sister, Susan Leonard. No Hardwicke."

"Doesn't mean anything," Olivia said. "Check Susan Leonard's children, she might be divorced."

"Okay…well there you go. Susan Leonard, mother to Bradley, Allison, and Gillian Hardwicke. I'll be damned."

"They _were_ cousins," Olivia mused. "Why haven't we heard from any of these relatives?"

"Well, Susan Leonard died in 2005, Bradley Hardwicke lives in Ohio, and Allison Hardwicke lives in Arizona."

"What about the aunt and uncle? Mary and Steven?"

"Probably too scared to say anything if they were threatened too," Munch said.

"You think they know anything about what happened in this case? If Brett Stern might have told them anything?" Olivia asked.

"Hard to tell."

"Everyone associated with this case is dead," Olivia said stoically, biting down on her lip. "Put a protective detail on Steven and Mary Harrington, and then we're going to talk to them."

"Liv, you do realize you're not the captain here, right?" Munch quipped.

"Fine, tell Cragen first. But if he says no, do it anyway. We're not letting this get out of our hands."

Fin looked over at Munch with a worried expression, and the older man nodded to his partner.

"Olivia." Fin walked over beside the harried detective and put his hand on her shoulder. "We need to be careful here. You just told us that everyone associated with this case is dead."

"I'm quicker and smarter than a stupid killer, Fin. It's my job to be two steps ahead all the time. Don't worry about me."

"You know best," he said, defeated. He returned to his seat and slumped down in it. "Just remember that there's no reason for you to die for this case."

Olivia turned to him, stone-faced as her own words to Alex were thrown back at her.

"I'll get on that detail," she replied coldly.


	5. Chaser

_Thanks for reading!_

* * *

><p>"<em>Welcome back, Alexandra. I'm glad to see I haven't scared you off," the psychiatrist laughed.<em>

"_Alex, please. Only my bosses and my pretentious family call me Alexandra. And you didn't. Besides, Olivia would have ripped my head off if I didn't come back. She's the only person I ever lose an argument with, and she's not even an attorney."_

"_She sounds remarkable."_

"_She really is," Alex beamed. "But everyone knows that. Her whole squad would do anything for her because she's gone above and beyond multiple times."_

"_For example?" Dr. Rosen looked up from above her reading glasses, perched precariously on the tip of her nose._

"_She's practically walked through fire for them! I mean, for every thousand people she helps a hundred creeps attack her right back. She's had her throat cut, she's been beaten, not to mention verbally assaulted, but she never even flinches. She's been undercover for them too. When she worked undercover as an environmentalist she was a victim of police brutality, but didn't blow her cover even when she woke up in a hospital bed. She also went to some women's prison once, but she doesn't really talk about that."_

"_I suppose as a frequent victim herself, she's been very good about relating to you."_

"_Well, that, and being a sex crimes detective. She always knows exactly what to say."_

"_And do you feel safe with her?"_

"_Safer than I ever felt, even when the WitSec program was watching me day and night."_

* * *

><p>"Mr. and Mrs. Harrington, are you aware of the threats that your son-in-law received during your daughter's trial?" Olivia was seated on a cozy loveseat in the humble Harrington home, across from Mary and Steven Harrington, a couple which looked to be in their early sixties. She studied Mary closely, flinching when she briefly saw a flash of Gillian Hardwicke in her face.<p>

"Yes, detective, Brett did tell us about the letter he got. He was very nervous about it, which I guess he was right to be. But we told him it probably wasn't serious," Steven replied.

"No, no, you did," Mary butted in bitterly. "You told him it wasn't serious. I told him that if he thought it was legitimate to contact the authorities but no, he listened to you. And what happened? He ends up dead just like our little girl," she snapped.

"Ma'am, please do try to stay calm. We need your full cooperation so we can find out what happened to Jackie and Brett and their lawyers," Olivia said.

"Their lawyers?" Steven asked, unaware that Olivia knew of Gillian's relation to the pair. "What happened to the lawyers?"

"Oh…" Olivia started, dragging out a breath. "I assumed you had watched the news and heard about it. I'm sorry to tell you that both attorneys representing the people in the case against Andrew Morrison were found dead."

"But…no, that can't be. My niece was one of those attorneys," Mary shook her head.

"Yes. The two people we found are ADAs Garret Frazier and…Gillian Hardwicke. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Harrington," Olivia bit her lip.

"No, no, no, Jilly's not dead. I would've heard about it…"

"Are you sure, Detective?" Steven asked warily.

Olivia simply nodded, a sullen expression on her face. This was the worst part of her job. Not finding dead bodies, not even talking to victims. It was telling people that thanks to the monsters of the world, someone they loved had their lives changed or ended forever.

"Excuse me, I just need to…" Mary was unable to finish the statement as tears blocked her vision and choking sobs clogged her throat. The woman quickly stood and left the room.

"Who killed Gillian?" Steven asked angrily. "Was it the same bastard who killed Jackie? The same punk who shot Brett?"

"We're trying to find that out, Mr. Harrington. For now, I just need to know if you've received any similar threats at all."

"No," he responded, sighing as a single tear dropped from his eye and crawled down his cheek. "But I do have something you might be interested in. When Brett came to us about the threat, he left the letter with us. Said he didn't want to look at it anymore."

"I will need to see that, thanks."

Steven nodded and walked out of the room towards the stairs. Meanwhile, Olivia was somewhat confused. Why wouldn't Brett want to keep the letter if he had thought at all about telling the police? Why leave it with his in-laws…unless he knew that he was as good as dead and just wanted someone to keep the evidence. But he couldn't have known that, right?

She was roused from her thoughts when Steven reentered the room, a yellow sheet of notepad paper in his hand. "Here's the letter," he announced in a gravelly voice.

Olivia took the letter and held it in front of her eyes. In what looked to be the same handwriting as the letter they found in Hardwicke's desk, this was written:

_Very cute, Junior Nancy Drew. Too bad you're not a real cop; then you'd at least have a chance to defend yourself when we come for you._

"Wonderful," Olivia murmured. "I really appreciate this, Mr. Harrington. We've placed a protective detail on the two of you to ward off any attacks that may have been planned for you, so you will have at least one officer on the premises at all times. If you feel unsafe at all, give me a call," she said, handing her card to the stoic man.

"Will do," he replied. "You will figure this out, right?"

"We have some of the best detectives in the city working this case, sir."

"Good." He walked over to a shelf of pictures, picking one frame up and bringing it back to where the detective sat. "Gillian and Jackie were more than just cousins, you know. They were like best friends. Jill was maid of honor at Jackie's wedding, you see." Olivia looked at the bright, happy picture of Jackie Stern in a long, flowing wedding gown and Hardwicke in a simple lavender dress as they smiled and embraced. Steven continued, "In her speech, Gillian said she would die for Jackie, just as a term of endearment of course. Who the hell knew she really would."

"We'll get justice for both of them, Mr. Harrington, I give you my word," Olivia promised.

"I know you will. And if we can be of any more help, do let us know." He looked up to see Mary hovering over the staircase banister, looking at him. "I do have to go see to my wife, however. It seems we have another funeral to plan."

* * *

><p>"So you got another letter. Is the handwriting the same as Hardwicke's letter?" Alex puffed out while lifting a particularly heavy suitcase out of Olivia's car. A few days ago, they had agreed that Olivia would move in with Alex, and although they'd work on selling the detective's sparse furniture at some point in the near future, they wanted to get all of Olivia's clothing and personal items over to Alex's place.<p>

"It looks the same, but of course I'll have to send it to the techs for confirmation. I bet if we do some digging, we'll find a similar letter for Garret Frazier," Olivia replied, taking the suitcase from Alex. "Here, you can take a lighter one, hon."

"I'm not weak, Liv, I can handle your clothes," Alex rolled her eyes, but didn't stop her girlfriend from claiming the heavy suitcase. She instead pulled out a lighter toiletry bag. "Did you get a writing sample from Andrew Morrison?"

"They already had a sample in the file. It didn't match Hardwicke's and I doubt it'll match this one."

"So he's just a pawn in this whole thing."

"Not necessarily, he's just not the one writing the letters. I wish he was, though, because then at least we'd have a reason to arrest him for the threats, and we could bring him in," Olivia sighed. They entered Alex's apartment, and Olivia gladly set the suitcase down.

"You're NOT going to leave that here, are you?" Alex smirked.

"No…" Olivia whined, dragging the duffel bag towards Alex's bedroom. "You do realize you're going to have to clean your closet out if there's any chance of my crap fitting in there, right?"

"That's doable, half that stuff is from the nineties and completely out of style," Alex mused, following Olivia.

"Sweetheart, I still had parachute pants from college in my closet. But thanks for making me feel super old, yet again," Olivia winked. Seeing Alex's apologetic frown and the blonde's mouth about to open, she planted a kiss on Alex's lips until the pout gave way to a laugh. "Just kidding," Olivia chuckled.

"Just tell me you didn't bring the parachute pants here with you? I have a reputation to uphold and it doesn't involve terrible eighties trends in my closet," Alex joked, earning an elbow to the ribs. "Ouch, Liv!" The attorney laughed again and dropped the bag she'd been carrying in the bathroom. "So that's it. You're all moved in. Welcome to the Cabot/Benson residence."

"Wow," Olivia said aloud, looking around at the place she already knew very well, but now had to see in a new light. It wasn't just Alex's place anymore, it was hers too. Her mail was going to come here. When she had to write her address down on a document, it was going to be this one. She was living with Alexandra Cabot.

Alex took Olivia's hand and sat down on the bed, pulling the detective in front of her and gently kissing the tired detective's neck, trying to soothe the tension of the last few days away. "What are you doing with your apartment?"

"I guess I'll keep it until we sell all the furniture, and then I'll just stop paying the rent," Olivia laughed. "Seems pretty simple."

"Definitely, considering the fact that if I moved in with you, I'd have to sell the whole apartment," Alex replied, rubbing Olivia's shoulders.

"You own this place?" she asked incredulously.

"I sort of inherited it from my aunt. I mean, I did buy it, but she gave me a hell of a deal," the blonde laughed quietly.

"Well I'm glad we did it, either way. Now we really know we're in this for the long haul," Olivia said, shooing away her commitment-phobic thoughts.

"I already knew, Liv. I knew it the minute we got together."

"How could you have known?" Olivia laughed. "Everyone knows I'm a runner."

"Of course I know that. But it's convenient enough for me, because everyone knows I'm a chaser," Alex smiled, leaning in to peck the detective's cheek. Hearing Alex's poignant words, Olivia turned her head to meet Alex's lips, resulting in a kiss much more heated than the attorney's chaste intentions. At the sudden change in events, Alex's hands moved down from Olivia's shoulders to cup her breasts.

"And if you'd like, right now I think I'll chase you right off the edge," Alex grinned, kneading the soft mounds between her fingers.

Olivia groaned. This woman was going to be the death of her, but oh, what a way to go.

* * *

><p><em>Yay, domestic partnership! <em>


	6. Empty Apartment

_**Oh wow, a quick update from me? No way! :D**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

* * *

><p>"<em>So tell me, Alex. When you aren't feeling well, emotionally, what do you do?"<em>

"_Lock myself away," Alex answered honestly. "Literally. I lock myself in a room with nothing but myself and a blanket and pillow so I have nothing else to do but sleep or think things through. Even my phone stays off."_

"_And what do you think of that as a strategy for dealing with your feelings?" _

_The blonde smirked. "Well I know that you don't like it. I'm sure as a therapist you're more of a fan of the 'talk it out' method."_

"_I didn't ask what I thought, Alex, I asked what you thought," the doctor answered smartly._

"_Well it certainly seems to work for me."_

"_Does it?"_

* * *

><p>"Those poor people," Olivia sighed as she poured her second cup of coffee. "How many loved ones can you stand to lose at one time?"<p>

"Liv, all we can do is make sure they're not next," Elliot responded. "We leave them to grieve for themselves while we catch the son of a bitch that killed those people."

"I want to go to Hardwicke's funeral," she murmured. "I owe her that."

"I don't see anything wrong with that."

"I didn't ask."

"Benson, Stabler, shut up for two seconds," Cragen's head popped out of his office. "Where are those other two lunatics?"

"By that you mean Munch and Fin, I assume?" Elliot smirked.

"No, I meant Jekyll and Hyde. Yes, I meant them. We just got a fax copy of a letter that CSU found in ADA Frazier's apartment."

"Yeah? Same handwriting as the other two?" Olivia asked.

"Looks to be, the lab will confirm," Cragen stated.

"And?"

"And what?"

"What does it say?" Elliot inquired, rolling his eyes.

"I thought you'd never ask," Cragen replied humorously, though the joke was lost on his two detectives, who just glared at him. "Right. It says: "

"_I would've been a good witness to call. Sorry you missed me. I just hope you told your mommy you loved her when she called you outside the building—you won't be speaking again."_

Olivia and Elliot just grinned at each other.

"Houston, we have a lead."

* * *

><p>"We were in the middle of talking to Morrison's brother. What's the big 911?" Munch asked, exasperated.<p>

"While you were chasing pavement, we got an actual solid lead," Olivia answered, laying the latest letter on the table in front of them.

"Another letter? We were already pretty sure they all got killed by the same dude," Fin shrugged.

"Try reading it," Elliot replied.

Fin and Munch each perused the letter carefully. Like Cragen, the first thing they saw was just another threat—until they actually used their brains.

"So you're thinking three different things here, right?" Fin questioned.

"Yup. First of all, the name of this mystery witness of Frazier's is probably written somewhere in his notes, which means it's also written in Hardwicke's." Elliot glanced at Olivia, giving her the floor.

"Second, the obvious fact that the person who wrote the letter is this witness means that Brett Stern probably chose to call off the trial when he learned that Frazier was planning to subpoena this guy," Olivia reported.

"And third," Munch butted in, "in case that whole name in notes thing doesn't work out, we can trace where Frazier was when his mother called him 'outside the building' and figure out where the mystery witness lives. Genius."

"We thought so," Olivia smiled.

"So you guys will take care of that?" Fin asked.

"Already did," Olivia continued, still grinning. "Always two steps ahead, eh? Name in Hardwicke's files is Marciál Rodriguez. She had no address for him, but we traced the phone call to an address uptown."

"Alright, let's get on it. The two of us were hoping you guys would come for backup," Elliot added.

"Wouldn't miss it," Fin replied, grabbing his sunglasses. "Let's move."

The fearsome four arrived at their destination in Washington Heights about twenty minutes later. They came upon a six story residential building and entered the foyer. Olivia ran up to the buzzer board and located the Rodriguez name next to Apartment 4F. She dared not press the button, and instead signaled Fin to pick the lock to the lobby.

The detectives quietly entered the stairwell, not wanting to alert anyone to their presence by stimulating the noise of the elevator.

"I'm getting too old for this," Munch whispered, eliciting a forceful "Shh!" from the other three.

They exited on the fourth floor, padding along the hallway until they reached Apartment 4F.

"Mr. Rodriguez, NYPD, open up!" Elliot yelled, to no response. He glanced at Olivia, who nodded, and kicked the door open.

Elliot and Olivia headed towards the kitchen of the apartment, while Fin and Munch went for the bedroom.

"Kitchen and living room clear," Olivia called out.

"Bedroom and bathroom, clear," Fin called out in response.

"Guess no one's home," Elliot said to Olivia, who was standing motionless next to the living room couch, staring at something behind it.

"No one, but not nothing," she said, tilting her head to call him over.

Elliot came up behind her and furrowed his eyebrows when he found what she was looking at. At least two dozen gallon sized Ziploc bags filled with white powder sat stacked on top of each other behind the sofa.

"Coke?" he suggested.

"Or heroin," Fin's voice came from behind them as the other two found the source of Olivia's attention, drawing from his experience in narcotics. "But in this neighborhood, it's probably coke."

"This stash alone probably brings in half a million dollars," Elliot mused. "And it's probably just a sample of what this guy deals with on a daily basis."

"Project this big would mean serious time if they got outed to the authorities," Olivia replied. "And how often do drugs and murder go hand in hand?"

"More often than not," Fin replied.

"But what exactly is Andrew Morrison's business in all of this?" Munch asked. "Doesn't seem like the type to be involved in Dominican drug trafficking."

"Like we just said, there's big money in this game. If Morrison was up to his eyeballs in debt anything would seem like a fair option," his partner responded.

"Yeah, but how does some random Irish guy manage to buddy up with Hispanic drug traders?"

"Wouldn't be the first time," Olivia mumbled.

Looking at Olivia, Elliot did his best to respond to the thought running through her mind. "Morrison was not a paid assassin. The bullet that killed Jackie Stern came from a simple shootout between Morrison and a John Doe that Morrison refused to identify. I don't know of any trained assassins with a shooting arm that inaccurate."

Olivia shook her head. "We'll run Morrison's financials when we get back. For now, let's just try to find something tying Rodriguez to the letters."

"Well there's one of those yellow legal notepads over here. Same paper used for the letters," Munch supplied. He'd found his way back to the bedroom and was standing over a desk in the corner of the room by the window.

"That won't be enough for an arrest warrant, Munch," Olivia called out, rolling her eyes.

"No? Well then how about his shopping list?" he replied, walking back into the living room.

"Excuse me?" Elliot said, confused.

"His shopping list. You know, the one that _just so happens _to be written in the handwriting that will _just so happen _to match the handwriting from the threatening letters?"

"Still doesn't prove he wrote the letters," Fin said.

"Nope, but it'll be enough for Alex or Casey to get us the arrest warrant," Olivia nodded. "Good work."

"Alright, let's get out of here before Rodriguez gets back and catches on before we can even bring him in," Elliot said impatiently.

"Keep your pants on, Stabler," Munch quipped as the four made their exit from the apartment.

Munch, Fin, and Elliot were out the door and down the stoop before Elliot realized his partner wasn't quite with them.

"Liv?" he called out.

"Coming! I just dropped my phone and accidentally kicked it away. I hate this damn belt holster, keeps dropping off. I need a new one," she rambled on before she made her way to the door.

"Here, let me get that for you miss," someone said right as she stepped in front of the door. A friendly looking young man held the door open, motioning for Olivia to walk through. He smiled flirtatiously, staring deeply into her eyes.

With a brief smile in return, Olivia thanked him and went to join the other three.

* * *

><p>"Did Casey get you that warrant?" Alex asked, lying back over the covers on her bed as Olivia was working on getting all her clothes into the various drawers and closet space.<p>

"She's working on it. She's just about as fast and apparently persuasive as you, but between finding a judge willing to sign anything at this hour and finding a judge liberal enough to sign a warrant on what's little more than conjecture, she's not had much luck. I told her if she didn't find anything by eleven or so that she should just go home and pick it up in the morning," the detective replied. She pulled out the last article of clothing from her suitcase; a relatively well worn low cut black dress.

"Wow, Detective. That's something I haven't seen before."

"Yeah, well, contrary to popular belief I do enjoy wearing the occasional dress when I want to look nice. It just so happens that fashion over function is not incredibly compatible with my line of work," Olivia chuckled.

"Well that is one impressive outfit," Alex purred. "I do hope to see you in it one of these days."

"One of these days, I'm going to actually take you out to a nice dinner," Olivia husked, falling on the bed and straddling Alex's middle, "and then I promise I'll wear it."

"Hmm…that does sound nice," the blonde responded, running her hands up and down her lover's thighs.

"And that feels nice," Olivia murmured, arching backwards as her body reacted to Alex's touch.

"I bet it would feel a lot nicer if you took these off," Alex smiled, tugging fistfuls of the brunette's sweatpants.

"Gladly," Olivia grinned, jumping off the bed and tugging said sweats down. "But baby, aren't you hot in that nightgown? It's so warm in here…" she said playfully.

"I happen to think I'm kind of hot in or out of the nightgown, but if it's in your way, Detective, I'll happily remove it in order to aid in your investigation," the attorney replied, seductively pulling off the silk nightie, leaving herself bare save for her panties, and prompting Olivia to shudder and immediately pull off her tank top as well.

"I do appreciate the assistance, counselor," Olivia smirked, plopping down on the bed and forcefully flipping the blonde on top of her. "But there is something else you could help me out with."

"Is that so?" Alex teasingly moved her hands town Olivia's toned stomach to the lining of her underwear. "How may I be of service?"

Olivia was much too tired for her girlfriend's little games right now, so she grasped the hand that was brushing her skin and forced it down underneath the fabric. "You're an intelligent young woman, counselor, you figure it out."

"Ah, I see the problem," Alex taunted, stroking Olivia's folds up and down and reveling in the moisture. "I'm sure I could remedy this for you, for the right price."

"And what would that be?" Olivia's eyes had turned dark and her voice gone deep, hands grabbing at the bedspread to keep from doing the job herself.

"Ah, I'll decide that in good time. Payment's due at the completion of the service," Alex winked and drove two fingers inside her lover.

"Oh…oh…I'm sure you'll…ugh…think of something," Olivia grunted out through ragged breaths.

"You know I will," Alex replied, relentlessly kissing and sucking at the brunette's neck as she continued to thrust, moving her thumb to stroke Olivia's clit in circles. The detective's eyes snapped shut and her mouth opened slightly, where Alex's mouth proceeded to find a new home.

Alex continued to play Olivia like a violin until the husky low grunts became sweet high moans and she felt her fingers being squeezed tight as her lover lost control of her body. She smiled at the sight of her glowing girlfriend in the midst of her release, thanking some higher power that they actually managed to end up together.

Slowly, Alex removed her fingers from Olivia and the detective lay down on Alex's chest, puffing out quick breaths. She smirked when Olivia finally picked her head up to face her. "So I've been thinking about my payment…"

"Don't worry, counselor. I think I have a few ideas that may be to your liking." Alex felt a warm mouth on her breast, and she knew that this business transaction would not be going unpaid.

It was about three-thirty when Alex was awakened by some rowdy teenagers yelling in the street. She groaned, and rolled over to place a hand on the sleeping detective next to her. But her hand fell on a cold, empty bed. Opening her eyes briefly and realizing she was alone, she sighed softly.

For the second night in a row, Olivia had left with no warning in the middle of the night.


	7. Powder Trail

**_Hmm, why DOES Olivia keep leaving?_**

**_Thanks for reading!_**

* * *

><p>"<em>Tell me about your family, Alex."<em>

"_We got along well. I mean, I wouldn't describe our family dynamic as close, but my parents only wanted the best for me."_

"_Wanted?"_

"_They've both passed."_

"_I'm very sorry to hear that."_

"_It's alright."_

"_Do you have any siblings?"_

"_Nope. Only child. Closest thing I have to a sister at this point is the only other woman besides I see every day of my life."_

"_And that would be your partner, I assume?"_

"_Yes. Casey."_

"_What is she like?"_

"_I didn't like her at first. She was like the new baby sister you're afraid will steal all the attention. But now, I definitely respect her. She's getting married, and Olivia and I are bridesmaids. Amazing what can happen in a little over a month's time."_

* * *

><p>Casey shoved a forkful of chow mein into her mouth, her eyes rolling back in her head when she realized how hungry she actually was. It was ridiculous how little time she'd had to herself since Hardwicke's body was found. She didn't blame Alex for it, but her partner had been spending a lot more time consulting on that case than working on the SVU cases they already had, and she'd been forced to bury herself in that work. That, plus the warrant she'd just handed off to Olivia took hours upon hours to get. Finally, she had some Casey time.<p>

She smiled as a text message announced its presence in the silent office.

_Hey you. I've got some news about a certain wedding venue that I believe may make you very happy. Don't kill yourself at work. _

Her mouth dropped open. Could it be that he had managed to book…?

_What is it? If you don't tell me, I'll have to kill YOU!_

_Nope. I'll have to tell you over dinner. Love you. See you tonight._

She groaned in frustration.

_You're evil_.

Casey thought that was the end of it, until the phone buzzed again. Unfortunately, this text did not come from her fiancé.

_They're interrogating Rodriguez. Need you here :(_

And that was the end of Casey time.

* * *

><p>"Can you explain these threatening letters, Mr. Rodriguez?"<p>

"I don't feel that I need to do that, Detective," Rodriguez replied snidely. Elliot stared at him coldly for several seconds, then shrugged and turned away.

"I suppose you don't need to. Then again, you might appreciate having the good word of the police when you're being sentenced for these harassment charges," Stabler coolly responded.

"I'm not too worried about my two years in the slammer, dude."

"It'll be more when we prove that your letters are connected to four murders."

Rodriguez laughed harshly. "I talk the talk man, but I ain't the kinda guy who walks that walk."

"I'm sorry, did you just say something?"

"Let me clear that up. I _ain't _no killer, man," the suspect said firmly, glaring daggers at Elliot.

* * *

><p>"He's holding up so far," Alex told Casey, who had just joined her partner and Olivia in the observation room as they watched Elliot grill Rodriguez. "But he won't last long."<p>

"Why aren't you in there?" Casey asked Olivia.

"I'll go in if necessary, but I just didn't feel like jumping in on this one just yet," Olivia replied without looking at her ADAs; she instead stared directly at Rodriguez, who seemed to keep his eyes locked on her as if he knew she was there.

Alex looked at Casey, who raised an eyebrow, and then back at Olivia. "Penny for your thoughts, Liv?"

Olivia shook her head. "It's nothing. He just looks so…familiar. I feel like I've seen him somewhere."

"A lot of people look alike," Casey reassured her. "You could have seen a thousand guys that look just like him"

"Or maybe you have seen in before in some context. It's not impossible. Either way, does it really matter?" Alex added.

"Not really. It was just weird."

* * *

><p>"So you're saying it's just a coincidence that four people who received threatening letters from you all ended up dead? You had nothing to do with that?" Elliot sneered.<p>

"Sounds fucked up bro, but it's true," Rodriguez replied.

"I love it when you dirtbags think we believe a single god damned word that comes out of your mouths. It's entertaining," Elliot scoffed.

"I didn't kill nobody."

"Really? These four people," Stabler splayed out four headshots of Jackie Stern, Brett Stern, Gillian Hardwicke, and Garret Frazier, "died from random attacks, not your gun shooting a bullet straight through their heads? You didn't want them all dead? You just sent them notes to scare them?" His voice was steadily rising. "You didn't _want_ their blood on your hands? Come on, Rodriguez, you telling me you didn't?"

"I did not fucking kill them!"

"But you know who did, don't you?" Elliot's voice was calm once again.

"No."

"Don't lie to me."

"Better than taking a round through the skull, man."

"In case you doubted that he knew anything," Alex piped up, rolling her eyes.

"Marcial, we can protect you," Elliot continued.

"Yeah? Just like you protected your precious attorneys? I'm just a pawn in all this, dude. I tell you anything, I'm done, man."

"We can do more than you think, Marcial," a female voice joined the room. Olivia decided that the role of good cop needed to be played in this production before their suspect was going to say anything. "We can put you somewhere that only authorized people can even go."

"My partner, Detective Benson," Elliot introduced.

"No offense ma'am, but I don't have all that much faith in the cops."

"Listen. If you can provide us with the mastermind behind the murders and the drugs, we will have the state protect you. It's just a step below the best protection you can get," Olivia said soothingly.

"You people know about the drugs, too?"

"They weren't exactly stashed away in a hiding spot," Elliot chuckled. "You realize this can go one of two ways. You can help us with what we're looking for and we'll protect you, or we can have you sentenced for harassment and possession with intent to distribute and you'll go right to Rikers, exactly where the men you work for will go after we find them. And they don't offer you too much protection in prison."

"I don't know, man."

"Hey," Olivia said, looking into Rodriguez's eyes. "I personally promise that I won't let anything happen to you. And, we have two ADAs who will make sure you get the legal help you need."

He studied her eyes, honest and sincere as they always were, and still she could tell he felt reluctant. Yes, they had dealt with people before that were able to harm others despite police protection, but she was offering full protective custody, pretty much one step below witness protection. Just how dangerous were these guys?

"Alright, look. I don't do drugs and I don't like them. I don't even personally sell them, just hold onto them sometimes. Okay, I'm only doing this cause I hate this whole business and I ain't got nothing to live for anyway," he sighed.

Four pairs of eyes watched him carefully, though he could only see two, and Olivia nodded for him to continue.

"Angelo Caldera is his real name. They call him 'El Guepardo.' He's the killer they hired."

"Who hired him?"

"I don't know the top of the pyramid, miss. I'm at the bottom with dudes like Andrew Morrison."

"You know Morrison?" Elliot asked.

"Course I do. He does inventory with me. That shootout that killed that chick," Rodriguez pointed to the picture of Jackie Stern, "was just some shithead trying to steal our stash."

"How many innocent people have to die for damned drug cartels, huh?" Olivia asked angrily. Elliot put his hand on her shoulder and she backed off, taking a deep breath. "Can you tell us where Caldera lives?"

"Not a chance, lady," Rodriguez replied. "But I can tell you one thing I heard through the fence. He's gonna kill again real soon."

Olivia looked at him questioningly, wondering if that was the whole story. But when nothing more came, and the exhausted looking man started to rub his head, she nodded and motioned to Elliot to walk out with her.

"El Guepardo. The Cheetah. I've heard of him," Alex said, shaking her head.

"Do you know anything about him?" Elliot asked.

"Not really. Just that he's supposed to be involved in at least a dozen different reported hits and true to his name, he kills quickly and scrams."

"Well what are we supposed to do, just wait around until someone else gets gunned down? We've got nothing more than a name," Olivia said.

"We'll do what we always do. Follow the powder trail," Elliot responded, smirking.

"You mean paper trail?" Casey asked confoundedly.

"Nope," he replied, looking back into the room where Rodriguez had let his head fall down in slumber. "He's got to deliver that inventory somewhere sometime. We follow him, bug him, and figure out who's sailing this ship."

"He's not going to like that idea," Casey muttered.

"If he wants our protection, he'll get the hell over it," Olivia stated firmly.

* * *

><p>Pulling the chicken out of the oven, the sweaty and tired detective hoped that she had seasoned her meal to her girlfriend's tastes. Alex was usually the one to cook, but for once, Olivia had gotten home first. There were a lot of strings to be pulled before the police could use a suspect in the matter they wanted to in order to aid an investigation, and although she did not intentionally want to give Alex more work, she couldn't really avoid it this time. The exhausted attorney had already taken up residence at the table, her head in her hands and trying not to doze off.<p>

"Babe, wake up and smell the poultry," Olivia said, grinning at the way Alex's glasses had gone lopsided on her nose as she lifted her head.

"Mmph, food," she babbled incoherently, still in the process of reenergizing herself.

"Eat and you'll feel better," the detective laughed, and Alex was more than happy to acquiesce.

"This is good," Alex smiled, shoveling a forkful of chicken, peas and potatoes into her mouth.

"Okay, that was a complete sentence, we're improving already!" Olivia mock praised before taking her own bite.

Alex took another bite and watched Olivia eat, studying her features and remembering how she couldn't find them when she woke up in the middle of the night. It hadn't bothered her all day, but she suddenly found herself thinking about it again.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Why have you been gone when I woke up in the past two days?"

Olivia looked up. Alex's tone had been stoic and calm, but her eyes gave away the smallest bit of hurt. "You know I go to work before you do."

"I woke up at 3:30 this morning and 4:15 the morning before. You don't go in that early," Alex replied, with suspicion in her voice.

"I do when I can't sleep," Olivia admitted.

Alex's shoulders slumped. "Why can't you sleep?"

"It happens during a hard case sometimes."

"So why don't you just wake me up and we can talk about it?"

"Just because I can't sleep doesn't mean you shouldn't. You went for months like that," Olivia said referring to Alex's time in the Congo.

"I didn't have anyone to talk to then, Liv. You have me. Use me, alright?" Alex looked pleadingly at Olivia and smiled gently.

"Okay, Alex," Olivia smiled back. "Thank you. I promise, you'll never wake up without me by your side without prior notice again."

Alex nodded, but she wasn't convinced.

* * *

><p>But true to her word, when Alex woke up at about 4:30 that morning from a random headache, her girlfriend was sleeping soundly next to her. She smiled softly and looking over the detective's supple sleeping form. She held in a laugh at the slight wet spot where Olivia's mouth was open over the pillow and reminded herself to wash that pillowcase.<p>

She stood up and went to the bathroom to take a painkiller. She swallowed a couple of aspirin pills and drank a quick cup of water, yawning and ready to try and go back to sleep. Alex walked back out of the bathroom, taking a quick glance down the hall towards the front door when she spotted something foreign on the floor by the entrance.

Diverting her path, she instead walked to the strange object and picked it up. It was a folded up piece of yellow notepad paper. She opened it, read it, and gasped.

After letting the words sink in for a minute, she immediately ran back to the bedroom to grab her phone and ran back out to the paper. She dialed a number from her contacts and waited for the familiar voice to pick up.

"Better be important, Cabot," Elliot's raspy sleep-tinged voice answered.

"It is, Stabler. We have a real problem."

She read the paper once more aloud:

_You're a great detective, getting my brother to spill like that. You also have the most beautiful eyes…I'll be sure to leave them open when you're dead_.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Uh oh...<strong>_


	8. Oh, Brother

_**So, Alex and Olivia can now legally get married in New York. Just saying...**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

* * *

><p><em>Notes for November 20, 2010:<em>

_Patient Alexandra Cabot is a no-show. Will call later._

* * *

><p>"It goes without saying that I'm taking you off the case, Olivia."<p>

She scowled at her captain with her arms folded, though she knew he had no other logical choice. Her life had been threatened and he couldn't risk losing one of his detectives, but she was just so damn mad.

"Can we skip the part where I argue with you and get right to the part where you fold?" she replied smartly.

"I'm serious, Benson. I'm not treating this as some empty threat when everyone else who got a letter like this was killed," Cragen said coldly.

"I happen to think I have a much better chance of protecting myself than two lawyers and a civilian."

"Like hell, Liv," Alex seethed from the chair next to her. "I don't care if you can shoot a gun with both hands and feet, this is serious and you need people looking out for you! Don't be pig-headed."

"Which reminds me, I'm putting the protection detail on momentarily. You still live at the same address, right?" Cragen said.

"Actually, Don, I would appreciate it if you would send the cavalry to my apartment," Alex replied.

"Why?"

"Ah…" Alex hesitated. The only ones who really knew about the nature of the relationship between her and Olivia were Casey, Mark, and Elliot. They hadn't found a suitable occasion to tell anyone else yet, including their superiors. This didn't seem like such an occasion. "She's just agreed to stay with me as long as this threat is significant," she finished smoothly.

"Is that alright, Liv?" Cragen asked.

Olivia bit her lip and nodded. "Bastard lied. He may not be at the top of this so called pyramid, but he sure does know who is. You heard what that letter said, right? I got his _brother_ to spill? The son of a bitch Rodriguez said he had no idea who was behind the murders."

"I just took you off the case, Olivia."

"I know that, I'm not trying to interrogate anyone or go anywhere. I'm just talking to you. It's not inappropriate," she frowned.

"Fine, continue," he shrugged as Elliot walked in the room.

"El, Caldera and Rodriguez aren't brothers, are they?" Olivia asked.

"Don't think so. They've got two different sets of parents," he replied, taking a seat.

"Then who the hell is his brother?"

"I have no idea, Liv. Fin and I checked the family history after Alex called and the only male sibling, or even half-sibling Rodriguez is reported to have died when he was sixteen."

"Well either the guy who wrote my letter is making this all up or something really screwy is going on."

"Like a case of stolen identity?" Munch asked joining what was quickly becoming a large powwow in Cragen's office.

"On whose part?" Olivia asked, interested.

"The brother, of course. That kid who 'died' at sixteen probably didn't die at all. If I know my stereotypes, the father was never in the picture for these two and the mother died when Rodriguez was just nine. He went to live with his aunt, and his dead brother was able to slip away quietly."

"So you think he's operating under someone else's name and social security number?" Elliot inquired.

"If he's even got that much. He'll be awfully hard to find unless Rodriguez tells us who his brother is these days," Munch replied.

"Which he won't," came the voice of Fin.

"Will you all get out of my office? We're operating beyond capacity here," Cragen snorted.

A chorus of murmured "fines" came from the peanut gallery. All but Alex left the room.

"He won't," Fin continued, "because I've been spending the last hour trying to get him to do just that. But he keeps insisting his brother is dead. Told me a whole story about what some police officer told him and his mom one night right before she died. Bet that cop was fake," he finished.

"Undoubtedly. But you know, there is a chance that Rodriguez really doesn't know that this brother is still alive. If he's telling the truth about hanging out at the bottom of the food chain, knowing he had a relative at the top would make him want some entitlement," Munch suggested.

"Yeah, so why should this brother tell Rodriguez anything? He's smart," Elliot smirked.

"Not smart enough for us," Olivia mused. "We bugging Rodriguez today?"

"If by we, you mean the three of us. You're staying here," Elliot reminded her.

"Oh come on," she groaned.

"Sorry Liv, you know there's nothing that can be done about it," her partner said sadly.

Back in Cragen's office, Alex was still hounding the captain about the detail being placed on her girlfriend. "Just how much protection are we talking here?" she asked impatiently.

"Two uniforms in front of the door and two in a car out front, Ms. Cabot. It's the best we can do."

"I know, and I'm sure it should be sufficient. It's just that we deal with threats all the time and of course usually either they're nothing or we're able to deflect them. But knowing firsthand that some threats are real, I'm…frankly frightened, Don."

Cragen looked up at Alex and offered her a sad smile. "I know, Alex. But it's all going to be alright this time because we know what we're up against and as long as Olivia is cooperative, everything will work out."

Alex nodded. "Yes. As long as she cooperates. Thank you."

She stood up and exited to find a disgruntled Olivia leaning back in her chair, the other three detectives having left with Rodriguez to complete his transaction. She frowned slightly at the look of tired defeat in the remaining detective's eyes, and walked up behind her to wrap her arms around the brunette's neck.

"Come on, sweetie, I brought us lunch. Let's go have a bite, huh?"

* * *

><p>"Alright, Rodriguez. You remember all the guidelines we gave you for this?" Munch asked the nervous looking man.<p>

"Yeah."

"Repeat them back to me."

"Act normal, like no one's listening. Make sure when I'm walking out with him to the car, he's on my right side so you all can take your pictures. Don't touch the bug, even though it itches like fuck."

"I think you ad libbed on that last one, smartass," Fin said with a small whack upside the guy's head.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Rodriguez chuckled.

"Alright, quiet real quick," Elliot said from across the van. "Okay, Rodriguez, say some random sentence."

"Damn baby, you is looking fine tonight," he said smugly, doing little to humor the three detectives.

"Great. Munch, say a random sentence."

"I'd like to wring this guy's neck," he stated very seriously, earning a sheepish grin from Rodriguez.

"Good. We're coming in all clear. Take your bags, put 'em in the trunk and move it, hot shot."

It was a good few minutes of back and forth expected chatter between Rodriguez and whomever he was talking to before the pair finally left the building bound for the car where they'd stashed the cocaine. Fin was ready with the camera, snapping several shots of the guy, even getting a few impressive facial profiles thanks to the extraordinary zoom on the digital camera. When the two were back inside, he took the camera away from his face. "Damn, they look just like each other. How did this idiot not notice something? It's got to be his brother."

"Let me see him," Elliot demanded, reaching for the camera. Fin handed it over. "You're right," he said, and flipped through the shots. Then he paused. "Aw man."

"What's going on?" Munch asked.

"Now I know why Liv thought Rodriguez looked so familiar," Elliot shook his head. "Rodriguez and this guy look a lot alike, and this guy is the man that held the door open for her when we were leaving his apartment. That's how he knew we were onto him. That's how he knew what her eyes looked like."

"Crap," Fin said solemnly.

* * *

><p>"It's not so bad, Olivia. Be reasonable," Alex said for the umpteenth time. She may have been a lawyer, but she was damn sick of all the arguing.<p>

"I'm trying, Alex, but I'm sure you must understand how annoying it is to have someone tell you that you can't do your own job."

"Of course I understand, Liv, I've been there before!"

"Then you have to see where I'm coming from," Olivia sighed. After lunch, Alex had suggested that the two of them head home for the day since Olivia could be of very little use at the precinct. They were joined by Casey, who was definitely feeling out of place at the moment, but she had to be there because despite Olivia's hiatus, Alex and Casey couldn't take one and damned if Alex was gonna pile more crap on the redhead.

"Hey, Liv, why don't you just take a nap or something to clear your head while Alex and I work on our case?" Casey asked gently.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, Novak," Olivia spat bitterly. Casey just stared back, gaping. This was not like the detective.

"Olivia!" Alex bit back, seething. "The fact that you're in a pissy mood about being taken off the case does not give you the right to treat your colleague poorly!"

Olivia looked back at Alex, unused to being the recipient of the blonde's passionate anger anymore. Suddenly, she was being hit with images of a younger Alex with the chin length locks and stuffy attitude in the midst of one of their shouting matches. Somewhere in the middle of the flashback, the present moment inserted itself back in Olivia's mind, and she hung her head, turning back to Casey and softly apologizing. Casey just nodded back, not wanting to provoke the detective further.

Alex just shook her head. "I for one think Casey is onto something, Liv. Maybe a shower and some sleep will do you good, and I promise I'll order extra greasy pizza for you just like you love when you wake up," she winked and placed a chaste kiss on her detective's lips, only leaving it there because she was conscious of the watchful eyes of her partner.

Olivia smiled into the kiss and continued smiling when Alex pulled away. "Okay, sweetie. I'll be in the bathroom if anyone needs me."

"Enjoy your shower," Casey said lightheartedly.

Olivia looked over her shoulder at the still shaken redhead. "I really am sorry, Casey. Sometimes this job just makes me a little crazy."

"Don't worry about it."

The door to the bathroom closed and the attorneys began laying out papers until they heard the water in the shower begin to run.

"Is she really going to be alright?" Casey asked Alex.

"She gets mad easily, but she usually gets over it just as easily. But you ought to know that already," Alex smirked.

"Don't I ever!"

* * *

><p>All was quiet in the CabotBenson apartment. It was exactly 2:56 A.M. according to the digital clock Olivia checked when she was sure Alex was in a deep enough sleep to be dreaming. Alex always clawed at things in her dreams—something that usually concerned Olivia but tonight, she was grateful for the clue.

Her gun was shoved in her holster on her belt loop and her pockets were full of some money, the keys to her apartment and something else. But not her phone. That remained on the nightstand.

Poor Alex continued to swat at some invisible target as she slept, but Olivia did not have time to worry about it or to kiss the terrors away. If Alex woke up, the whole thing was a bust, because Olivia had already decided what she needed to do, and Alex wasn't going to give her seal of approval.

She looked over the sleeping blonde carefully one last time, just in case it was the last time she got to do so. "I'm so sorry baby," Olivia whispered with a tear in her eye, pausing for only a second before she headed for the living room and the fire escape.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Don't kill me, I promise I know what I'm doing.<em>**


	9. Looking For Trouble

**_Thanks for reading!_**

* * *

><p><em>Left a message for patient Alexandra Cabot. Still unaware of her condition.<em>

* * *

><p>Alex awoke to her alarm at six that morning. She groaned, her body thick with unresolved fatigue, and reached for Olivia yet again. And yet again, her cold hands reached through thin air. She groaned again.<p>

"Liv…" she called out, sitting up in bed. She had to be somewhere in the apartment. She knew that the detective had a tendency to up and run, but the place was surrounded and Olivia couldn't be so much of a masochist that she'd want to put herself in danger. Right?

Alex rapped on the shut bathroom door, but it just swung open with the force of her knocks to reveal an empty room. "Olivia…" she called again. Living room, empty. She walked towards the kitchen where by now the aroma of coffee would normally pervade the air. Today, no such smells existed. And the kitchen was unoccupied.

The apartment was empty.

Enraged, Alex ran towards the front door and swung it open, startling the two uniformed officers standing on either side.

"You let her out, you idiots? What happened, did you fall asleep? Run out of doughnuts and leave to get some more? What the hell?" she shouted at the two surprised cops.

"Ms. Cabot, Officer Peña and I have been here all night. We have not left, nor slept. Being night shift workers, we are not particularly tired because we sleep most of the day. Nobody has come in or out of this door since we took up post at midnight," one of the officers quickly explained.

"Well Detective Benson is not here, and there is only one exit to this apart…wait."

Alex ran back inside, with the stares of the two officers following her. In the living room, the curtains blew with a gust of wind in front of the open window to the fire escape.

"No," she murmured shaking her head. "No no no no…"

"Ms. Cabot?" the officer inquired.

"Take me to the two in the car downstairs," she replied softly.

The two cops escorted Alex out of the building where an unmarked squad car with two street-clothed officers sat. She stormed over there and began violently knocking on the driver's window. The window rolled down.

"Where is Detective Benson?" she asked sharply.

"I would say upstairs, but clearly she must not be," the officer on the driver's side replied.

"We haven't seen her all night," the other officer added.

Alex threw her head back in frustration. She looked over to where the fire escape would be, and realized Olivia could have very well avoided the view of the two officers. She couldn't blame them too much—they thought their job was to keep people out, not in.

Biting her lip and holding back frightened tears, she regained her composure. "Take me to the 16th precinct," she croaked out.

* * *

><p>"How the hell did this happen, Alex? Weren't you <em>with<em> her?" Elliot yelled.

"I was _sleeping_, Elliot! When I went to bed she was right there with me!" Alex retorted. "Why are you blaming this on me? It's not productive. What we need to be doing is figuring out why on earth she did this and where she could have gone. We can't track her cell, she left it in our apartment. We have to know where she is…whether she's alive," she added, her voice shaking.

Elliot sighed and put a hand on Alex's good shoulder. "She's alive. Whatever the reason is for her leaving, she had one."

"Well you can ask her what it was yourselves," Fin came hurrying in. "We found her at Bellevue, checked in through the ER in critical condition forty minutes ago."

* * *

><p><em>Three hours earlier…<em>

Olivia knew what she was doing was incredibly reckless. She didn't feel good about it, not for a minute, but she knew she had to do it. Maybe she shouldn't always have to be the hero, but no one else seemed to want the job.

She fingered the syringe in her pocket as she walked up her apartment steps. She walked slowly and pretended to be talking on the cell phone she wasn't carrying, trying to make herself as conspicuous as possible.

It had to only be a matter of time before they came for her, she thought to herself when she sat on her bed. If they were watching her apartment, which they just had to be, they knew she was there, alone. And that's what she wanted. She was there to bait El Guepardo and stop him once and for all.

It was not part of her plan to fall asleep on her bed, but when after twenty minutes the apartment still held its silence, she slowly drifted off. It was not two minutes later that the sound of her front door opening jostled her awake once more. Silently, she thanked some higher power that she hadn't managed to fall into some deeper sleep.

She braced herself silently, pulling out her and pointing it at her bedroom door. Her gaze was steadfast as the footsteps came closer and closer…

Next thing she knew, her gun was on the floor and she was in a headlock. She didn't understand it! First there was no one in the room, and suddenly she was helplessly trapped. Then she remembered the significance of El Guepardo's name—he was impossibly quick. She thought she could out speed him, but evidently she was terribly, terribly wrong.

"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Caldera," she choked out through the arm that was strangling her neck. She stared up into the barrel of the gun that was pressed into her forehead, and down to the knife that threatened to slice through her abdomen. "I never thought I'd get to see the face of the man that killed my ADA."

"Hah," the gruff voice came back. "I wasn't aware you had eyes in the back of your head, Detective."

"Part of…" she coughed, "our training as cops," she joked grimly.

"Well get a good _look,_ then, whatever you're seeing will be your last sight," Caldera replied, ripping the blade through Olivia's shirt, causing her to cry out in pain.

"Come on, please don't do this," Olivia pleaded. "I promise we'll stop the investigation, we won't tell anyone anything!"

"I don't do negotiation anymore, muñeca." He cocked the gun that leaned against her face, and she bit her lip.

"Very well then," Olivia said softly.

"Weak, detective. I thought I'd get more of a fight out of you than that," he chuckled. "Talking all tough and…oof!"

The sound of Caldera's gun dropping to the floor was deafening in the otherwise quiet apartment. Olivia grinned where he couldn't see her as she pulled the needle out of the left side of his stomach. "Funny how some of the most effective weapons can be found at your local hospital if you have enough friends," she said smoothly, Caldera's body dropping to the floor at her words.

It was only a mild sedative, of course. She wasn't here to kill him. No matter how much she hated the bastard, she was just giving herself the time to call the station and bring him in without him ever knowing until it was too late.

"Don't worry, you'll get your Miranda warnings when you wake up," she smiled.

She walked towards the kitchen where her home phone hung on the wall. Having left her cell on her nightstand so she couldn't be traced, it was the only way she was going to be able to reach the precinct. Her feet reached the cold tile of the small kitchen and then…

BAM.

Olivia screamed out and doubled over as the pain shot through her stomach. Where did that come from?

"Oh please, Detective, you really believed I would send my man in here with no backup? Didn't you learn anything in the academy?"

"Who are you?" she demanded, still not able to look up as she applied pressure to her burning, gushing wound.

"I believe if you actually took the time to look up at me, you'd recognize me," the voice sneered.

Slowly, she raised her head. Standing before her was the spitting image of Marcial Rodriguez, but with shorter hair and lighter skin. She'd seen that face before. Pictures of just a few days earlier popped into her head, with some polite stranger holding a door open after she clumsily dropped her phone, and she growled.

"You're the brother," she said. "You're at the so called 'top' of this pyramid. You're the one ordering all these murders."

"Very good," he laughed. "Too bad you're the only one who knows that, and your knowledge is about to become quite useless."

"Go ahead, do it. Put a bullet between my eyes. It won't be as pretty as Caldera's work, but it'll do the job, right?" she retorted. "I mean, I guess there has to be a reason you never did the killing yourself, but I'm sure this will be no problem for you."

"Really, Detective, I'm not sure this is the best time to be insulting the man whose mercy you should be begging for," he said walking closer to where she knelt, still trying to control her bleeding.

"I'm not begging you for anything," Olivia replied calmly. "I came here fully accepting that I might not leave."

"Very noble of you, especially considering you have that beautiful lawyer that you seem so fond of," he snickered, now standing virtually on top of her. "Gotta love a little dyke detective."

"She knows the hazards of my job," she gritted through her teeth, knowing full well that if Alex had any idea where she was right now she'd get the tongue-lashing of a lifetime and probably a few slaps to the face.

"Do you think she and that partner of hers will still try to prosecute this case after you're dead? I just need to know if I need to put up the money for two more hits before this is all done with," he whispered.

"I don't think that will be necessary," Olivia replied.

"Are you sure?"

"Quite sure."

She took her hands off the gushing wound and immediately kicked her leg out to strike the man's knee. He lost his balance and toppled to his ass beside her. Running on adrenaline, she shot up and tackled him down, making a move for his gun.

"What do you think you're trying, bitch?" he jeered. She punched his nose and broke it, and he hissed in pain, dropping the gun, but reaching it again just as fast. He wrapped his hand around the small handgun and Olivia stomped down on his wrist. She attempted to use her other foot to kick the gun further away, but even with a cracked wrist his grip on the weapon was tight.

Suddenly she felt more than a little dizzy, and she could no longer stand. She dropped to the floor again, feeling fuzzy and watching the room start to spin a bit. She stared at the ground that was rapidly turning red.

"It's over, Detective. Say goodbye," the man said softly. His face was barely in focus; she could just pick out his features and the small trace of blood that was pouring out of his nostrils.

But it wasn't over until it was over. With her last ounce of strength, she raised her leg once more and took a cheap but effective shot to his groin. She'd heard that a kick down there hurt even more than a broken nose for a guy, and all evidence pointed to that truth as he howled and growled, the gun slipping out of his fingers as he reflexively reached for the injured area and landing on her bloodied chest.

The room was so out of focus that she didn't know where the hell she was shooting. But the blurry vision and the strangled sound of a sharp intake of breath and a body hitting the tile confirmed that she'd done well.

She loosely reached her arm out for the long cord on the wall that attached to her home phone, and for a fleeting moment she attempted to humor herself by being grateful she'd never bothered to enter the 21st century. She pulled on the cord and the phone fell to the floor. She blindly pushed where she suspected the buttons to call 911 would be.

"_911, what is your emergency?"_

"Medical emergency, two gunshot wounds, both critical…trace the call…"

"_Ma'am, can you stay on the phone with me?"_

Olivia had already lost consciousness.

* * *

><p>And now she was in a bed in the ICU, hooked up to a ventilator and completely unresponsive. Elliot and Alex sat on either side of her, staring at someone who was so much more than a colleague to both of them, wondering how she could've done this to herself just for her job. They'd been there for hours as Olivia underwent surgery and returned from recovery, but she had yet to wake up.<p>

"What was she thinking?" Alex shook her head, tears still running down her face. Elliot just looked at her and shrugged. He didn't really know what to say to the blonde—it was hard to know what to do when she cried, because it never seemed to happen. "At least when this crap happened to me, I didn't go looking for it."

"She was just doing what she felt was right," Elliot said, knowing his explanation was pretty lame.

"If that was you on that bed, how would Kathy feel, Elliot? It's bad enough knowing she could be dead right now; it's worse knowing that she walked right into it."

"Alex, look!"

Olivia's eyes began to show signs of movement, and her arm flinched. "I think she's waking up. I'm going to go grab a nurse," Alex announced and ran out of the room.

When Olivia opened her eyes, she was greeted with the sight of two nurses standing over her. One was checking her reflexes and the other smiled at her. "Welcome back, Detective Benson," she said sweetly. "You just took a little nap. I'm going to take out this tube, alright? I need you to breathe out."

Olivia exhaled as the nurse pulled out the ventilator, coughing at the strange tickling the tube made in her throat. She took a few deep breaths and felt immediately better.

"Liv," Elliot said, walking up beside her. "Thank God you're alright."

"I'm fine," she croaked out. "He's dead."

"Who's dead?" Elliot recalled what he'd heard from a doctor that had talked to an EMT, remembering that two others had been brought in, one in mild condition and one DOA. "Never mind, we'll talk about that later."

"El? Where's Alex?" Olivia asked hoarsely.

"She's right…" he turned around to where Alex had been sitting before. The chair was empty. He spun around the room, but only saw the two nurses. He looked out in the hallway, but the blonde was not to be found. He sighed.

"I'm sorry Liv, she left."

* * *

><p><strong><em>What's the deal with Alex? Things will get heated pretty soon...<em>**


	10. It's For the Best

**_I didn't forget about you guys! Thanks to the internship and the job, life says I don't get to write as much. But I still love Alex and Olivia too much to give up on them._**

**_Thanks for reading!_**

* * *

><p><em>Finally reached Alexandra Cabot. Patient says she's experiencing a family emergency and will return tomorrow. Seems agitated, upset.<em>

* * *

><p>"Oh," Olivia said, dejectedly. "Does she know what happened?"<p>

"Yes," Elliot replied.

"And?"

"You worried the hell out of her, Benson."

"That wasn't the intention."

"But you knew it was going to happen."

"Alex knows that our job is dangerous, Elliot! She's seen enough of it firsthand to realize it," Olivia growled.

"Yes she has. So you, in all your pigheaded glory, decided the best route to take was to make her see more of it. You know what, Olivia? You didn't have to do this."

"Yes, I did! Thanks to what I did, your assassin is under arrest and your mastermind is dead! You didn't even know who the hell that guy was, but I killed him!"

"We did know who he was, Liv," Elliot murmured. "After you left with Alex, we followed Rodriguez and identified the man lying in the morgue right now. We took pictures for facial recognition and put out a BOLO. At max, we would've had him by tonight."

Olivia looked at him incredulously. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Because you were off the case! You were a _target_. No one expected you to run off. We never thought you could be that insane."

"I had the right to know!"

"You were _off the case_. You didn't need to know anything. What you needed was to let us do our job. And instead, you practically got yourself killed. If I were Alex, I wouldn't want to face you right now either."

"She's being overly sensitive."

"Overly sensitive? You're worse than the average man, I swear. Look, Liv, think of it this way. You have loved Alex a very, very long time, right?"

"Yes," she rolled her eyes.

"Since before she was shot, right?"

"What the hell would make you say that?"

"You're my partner. I know more about you than you know about yourself. Answer the question."

Olivia sighed. "Yes. I didn't know it or want to know it but I loved her then."

Elliot sat in the chair next to Olivia's bed and put his chin in his hands. Olivia stared back at him and looked at him half irritated, half expectantly. "Then tell me this, hot shot. How did it feel when you saw her bleeding on the ground? How about when you were pacing the hospital room floor, not knowing whether she was dead or alive?" Olivia's eyes filled with fury, and she shuddered, but Elliot continued. "Let's not forget how you must've felt when that surgeon came out and told you that he was so very sorry, but they did all they could do and Alex didn't make it."

"Shut up, Elliot!" she spouted angrily, and sat up quickly, sending shooting pains through her body. She shrieked in pain, and Elliot quickly put his arm around her back and lay her back down gently. He let out a deep breath as the fuming woman relaxed.

"Everything you're remembering right now; the panic, the worry, the confusion, the shock, the anger…Alex went through all of that today. Even after we knew you were probably going to make it, she was still a mess. You did that, Olivia, and you didn't have to."

"I did have to," Olivia whimpered, but even she wasn't too sure of it anymore.

"All you had to do was stay in bed, stay with Alex, so we could keep the both of you safe."

"You don't understand, I just needed to get justice for Hardwicke, to protect myself, to protect you, Casey, and Alex!" Her voice broke as the sobs started to wrack her body. "If something happened to any of you…well I figured I'd rather die than see that happen!"

"Shh…you need to calm down Olivia…" Elliot took Olivia into his arms as she cried herself dry. "Listen to me, okay? I can only speak for myself, but I don't think Alex _or_ Casey would be able to live with themselves if you died in their names, and I certainly couldn't. As for Hardwicke, you owed her your best police work and protection for her family, but you never did, and never will owe her your life."

Olivia nodded into his shoulder as her sobs began to subside. "I need Alex," she said quietly.

"I'm not going to leave you here alone," Elliot replied firmly.

"Please, Elliot! You don't know how much, but I just need her, alright? You have to get her back to me, please!"

Elliot sighed and let Olivia go, placing her back into her supine position on the bed. "Give me a minute," he said, and with a quick pat on her shoulder, he dug into his pocket and quickly walked just outside of the room.

"_Hello?"_ the voice on the other side of the line answered.

"Hi Casey."

"_Elliot, is Olivia okay? No one will tell me anything, please tell me she's alright…"_

"She's going to be just fine, Case. You can come see her later, and I'm sure she'll be very happy to have you, but there's something I need you to do for me first."

"_Come on Stabler, this is hardly the time to be asking for a warrant."_

"I'm not asking for a warrant," he sighed. "I need you to find your partner for me."

"_Alex isn't there? Why?"_

"I think this whole thing was a little more than she could handle."

"_She didn't come to the office at all today. She must be at her apartment. Don't worry, I'll take care of it."_

"Thanks. And you need to bring her to the hospital with you. Olivia…she really needs her right now."

"_I'll take care of it, Elliot, I promise_."

* * *

><p>"Alex?" Casey rapped and rapped at the apartment door repeatedly, each time to no answer. "Come on, I know you're in there Cabot, I saw your car downstairs!" To make her point more profound, she went to twist the doorknob around and found it was unlocked.<p>

Casey opened the door slowly, her heart beating rapidly. Alex Cabot was an intelligent woman who knew she was living in a major city. Why would she even think about leaving her door unlocked? Granted, she had a doorman with a gun, but criminals were getting smarter these days. The redhead scanned the apartment as she tentatively stepped inside, heart still pounding against her chest.

She exhaled deeply when the silence in the apartment held and she found no sign of someone in there who didn't belong.

"Alex!" she yelled out again, still receiving no response. Casey did her best to remember where Olivia had gone in for her nap yesterday to find Alex's bedroom, where the door was indeed slammed shut. "Come on Alex, it's just Casey, please talk to me."

"This is none of your business, Novak," the small, low voice finally said from the other side of the closed door.

"You are my business, Cabot. You're my partner."

"But my relationship with Olivia is not your business."

"I will not stand by when two of my friends are miserable."

Alex scoffed. "You're not my friend, Casey. You're my colleague."

"Yeah? Well I guess I misjudged things then. Because I don't think I'd want someone who was just my colleague to be a bridesmaid at my wedding. But fine. If that's how you feel, I'll leave." Casey shook her head and started to walk away, hoping Olivia didn't feel the way Alex apparently did.

A small hiccup came from the bedroom, followed by a cough. Casey turned around, finding herself unable to run away from her coworker, but she didn't say anything.

"Casey, I know you're still there."

"Yes. Because you're in distress and I hope you haven't been meaning the things you've been saying, and I came here to make things better. But unless you open this door in the next ten seconds, I'm really out of here."

Nine seconds passed with no movement, but on the tenth, the door seemingly opened on its own. Casey couldn't see Alex, so she hesitantly peered into the bedroom, where the blonde sat on her bed.

"Can I come in, Alex?"

She nodded slowly.

The redhead padded in and sat down next to her partner on the bed. She wasn't sure what to say right now that wouldn't get her kicked out just as fast. She wondered why she actually volunteered to do this. Her partnership with Alexandra Cabot had been…interesting. They usually got along fine, but each of them was as stubborn and volatile as the other, and arguments tended to abound. Casey didn't want that right now. She wanted to make the blonde see sense, and she knew this time that she could show her that sense.

"What are you feeling right now, Alex?" she started, hoping that letting Alex dictate the conversation would make it last longer.

"I'm tired."

"You're always tired."

"Not just sleepy, Casey."

"What, then?"

Alex ran a hand through her messy hair, trying to detangle the persistent knots that came from running around all day without one gaze in the mirror or a brush stroke through her head. "I'm tired…of the lives we live."

"What do you mean?"

"After I was shot, I lived in constant fear. I didn't know when someone was going to recognize that this was the dead prosecutor from Manhattan and report it to the local cops who would put out the word so quickly that Velez and his men would be after me in two minutes. I didn't know when the man in the sunglasses across the street might be some sort of Colombian assassin. I mean, I know that any of us could die at any moment even now, but it felt so much more real of a possibility. When I came back here, and especially after I became involved with Olivia, I thought I wouldn't have to live with these fears anymore. But today…it all came back."

Casey timidly placed her hand on Alex's knee as the blonde continued in the same low voice. "I know it's in her nature as a cop to want to protect people. She puts everyone else in the world above herself, above her own safety. And I always loved that about her, until I couldn't imagine my life without her."

"She's a good cop, Alex. She can protect herself."

"Not always, Casey. Good cops still die. And they die in situations they couldn't control. That's hard enough for me to accept. How can I possibly accept that Olivia thinks it's okay to go looking for trouble?"

"We have to learn to live with a lot of things for the ones we love. God knows Mark and I have made sacrifices for each other. No, before you start," Casey continued, interrupting the opening of Alex's mouth, "neither one of us goes walking into dangerous situations, but it's the same idea."

"But it's not! Casey, I can't stay with someone that doesn't think twice about whether they'll be alive to be with me the next day."

"Are you saying you want to break up with Olivia? You can't do that, don't you love her?"

"Yes. I love her beyond the love I've ever felt for anyone else. I love her more than life. I really do. That's why I can't stay with her, get it? When a situation like this gets so out of hand that she doesn't wake up in the hospital a few hours later, it will _kill_ me."

"And it won't kill you if you're not together? You're not going to just stop loving her."

Alex exhaled and blinked back a few tears. "I'm certainly not if I stay with her."

"Alex, please think about this…"

"Casey, you know I was lying when I said you weren't my friend, right?"

Casey shrugged. "I was hoping you were."

"I really was…" Alex leaned her head on Casey's shoulder, and the redhead began running her fingers through the blonde's hair awkwardly. "As my friend, I hope you'll support me, okay?"

Casey shook her head and responded quietly, "I can't do that, Olivia is my friend too. I came here to fix things, and all that's happened is that things have gotten even worse. Elliot sounded so worried on the phone…she's in really bad shape, Alex! I can't go back there and have to tell her that her girlfriend wants to leave her."

"You won't have to."

"Really?"

"Nope. That's not your responsibility. I'll do it myself. All I would ask you to do is help her keep from hating me too much."

Casey bit her lip and stood up, pushing Alex off of her gently. "If you do this, I can't say I won't hate you a little bit myself," she replied. With that, Casey left the room and a few seconds later, Alex heard the front door to the apartment slam shut.

Alex sighed and lay back on the bed. She rolled her head to the left and suddenly was hit with the first time Olivia had lay in this bed with her, not holding her and barely touching her, but just surrounding her with the brunette's comforting presence. Just knowing that the detective was right there and would be all night had chased all the demonic thoughts of violent African militia out of her mind. She had felt safer than she had since the rape that night. And she remembered the small but meaningful promise Olivia had made to her just before they both fell asleep:

"_Liv?"_

"_Hmm?" Olivia answered with the beginnings of sleep in her voice._

"_Thank you," Alex said in the smallest of voices._

"_Always, Alex."_

Always. Olivia had promised to be there for her forever that night, before they had even started dating. And now, Alex wanted to break that promise for her? To leave the woman who had held her through dozens of nightmares? To break the heart of a cop in a hospital bed?

She would have to go to the hospital herself later to tell Olivia. Alex hated it. She hated herself for it.

Alex smiled at the ceiling. She knew it had to be for the best. To kick Olivia's ass when she got home for scaring her so much, that is.

* * *

><p><strong><em>:)<em>**


	11. If You Fall

**_All reviews are appreciated. Including constructive criticism. That being said, let's all try to be polite, okay?_**

**_Thanks for reading!_**

* * *

><p>"I don't know how Olivia is going to be this morning, Elliot." Casey and Elliot strolled side by side towards the hospital doors. It was just about seven in the morning, and visiting hours technically didn't start for another sixty five minutes. Neither of them expected any problems, however. They both had jobs to get to, and hospital staff tended to be nice to loudmouthed attorneys and badge-wielding cops.<p>

"Why do you say that?" Elliot asked.

"Well you know I wasn't able to get Alex to come last night. But I didn't tell you everything," Casey admitted.

"So, spill."

"Um…well I think Alex may have intended to break it off with Olivia."

"You're kidding."

"Afraid not."

"She can't do that. Not now."

"I told her the same thing. But you know Alex Cabot, she doesn't listen to anyone except Alex Cabot," Casey sighed.

"So you think she's already done it?"

"It's possible. She told me she was going to go to the hospital 'later on'. I don't know how much later that was meant to be."

"Poor Liv," Elliot shook his head as they stepped off the elevator at the ICU floor.

"I know."

They approached Olivia's room, where they peered through the glass doors. Elliot had fully expected Olivia to be up by now. After all she was used to keeping a tight schedule, often beginning with a six am wakeup supported by rigid circadian rhythms. But much to his surprise, she was still asleep.

"Oh man."

"What?" Casey asked. "She's just sleeping. It's still early."

"Olivia's always up by now. The only reason she'd still be asleep would be if she'd been up all night thinking about something and she finally just passed out from exhaustion."

Casey's face fell. "Alex must've been here."

* * *

><p><em>Seven hours earlier…<em>

Elliot had promised that Casey would bring Alex back. He _promised._ Yet it was nearly midnight, and both of them had been there and back, neither with a blonde in tow. When Casey showed up solo, both Elliot and Olivia had stared at her with a look of shock and confusion, and she had sadly told them that she couldn't get Alex out of the room she'd locked herself inside. Casey had opted to omit the part about Alex's plan.

So Olivia just stared blankly at the public access television, too lazy to change it to a network with actual programming and too depressed to care. She'd made it clear to the nurses that she wanted to be out of the hospital as quickly as was practical, so they were already weaning her off the damned morphine and the pain pulsed at the site of the wound in her abdomen. She'd never be able to sleep, which meant there was nothing left to do but think about Alex.

"You're damn lucky Casey is so pushy, or I wouldn't be here at all right now."

The subject of Olivia's thoughts suddenly appeared in the doorway. Alex leaned against the door as Olivia's head snapped to face the soft, stern voice.

"Visiting hours have been over for a while, how did you get past the nurses?" the detective replied, lost for better words.

"That's what you care about right now, Liv?" Alex chuckled.

"No, I suppose not. I'm just glad you're here," Olivia admitted. "Come here, sit with me."

Alex sighed. "I think I'd prefer to remain standing for this."

"For what?" The increased rate of the heart monitor's beeps betrayed Olivia's sudden nervousness at the way the attorney was acting.

"We need to talk," Alex said matter-of-factly, walking in and backing up against the wall across from Olivia. The detective said nothing, and waited for Alex to continue, giving her a disbelieving look. "You put me through hell today. I hope you know that from the get-go."

"I do know that, and I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for killing that bastard, but I'm sorry for all the pain it caused you," Olivia tried.

"That's the problem. You're not sorry for putting yourself in that situation and if it weren't for me you wouldn't be sorry for anything. Which means you're just going to do this kind of thing again. Without telling me, without giving me any sort of warning. I can't handle that, Olivia."

"So I'll talk to you about things first. But you can't always say no."

"I can if I know it's dangerous. Because you don't seem to care about that," Alex replied, irritated.

"I have a job to do! If you have a problem that, then I have a problem with you!"

"Olivia, I don't have a problem with your job! I can't stress that enough, and I have trouble believing that you don't know that already. My problem is when you do things that are not your job."

Alex bit her lip and finally crossed the room to stand next to Olivia and take her hand. "I never wanted things to come to this," she said stoically, "but if you can't promise me that your safety comes first, before any victim, or even me, then I can't stay with you. I can't lose you like that, but I can leave."

Olivia gasped and looked up at the blonde. She had red eyes from crying and dark circles from worrying. Her face was serious and sad. "You don't really mean that, Alex. You don't want to break up."

"No, I don't."

"Then we won't."

"If you promise."

"I can't…"

"Then I have to go." Alex squeezed and then let go of Olivia's hand. She turned away to leave and jumped abruptly when the detective's angry voice came from behind her.

"You're being so unreasonable, Alex!"

"Unreasonable?" the blonde turned around with an enraged half smirk on her face. "You don't know the first thing about unreasonable." She laughed lightly and shook her head. "After all, you think it's reasonable to walk into the line of fire without backup. You think it's reasonable to put everyone else's life above yours. You might have noble intentions, Olivia Benson, but reasonable isn't a useful quality that's high on your list!"

"Well apparently the same goes for you!" Olivia grasped Alex's hand again and roughly pulled the attorney back to her side. "We have a good thing going here, Alex. I did this for you, don't you understand? Why do you want to walk away?"

"If you still think what you did was right, you're never going to understand. Now let me go before I call security and have you handcuffed to your bed!"

Olivia looked up at Alex in disbelief, but Alex's expression was unwavering in its sincerity. Slowly, Olivia freed Alex's hand from the grasp of her own. Alex began to walk away again.

"Alexandra, I love you." Olivia's voice had lost its anger and strength as the weakness from her injuries began to show through beyond her tough façade.

"I love you too, Liv," Alex replied, though she refused to turn back again. "I have to go," she echoed her earlier statement.

Olivia shook her head violently at Alex's back. "No, no, it can't end this way. Alex, I'm sorry!"

Then Alex stopped and her shoulders, formerly held high in unshakeable foolish pride, slumped back down. She turned around, and Olivia gasped to see the expression that had seemingly out of nowhere appeared on Alex's face. Alex grinned widely as her brunette lover stared back at her perplexedly.

"What was that?" Alex asked with a chuckle.

Olivia continued to gape. "I said I was sorry."

"Sorry for what, Olivia?"

"Sorry for scaring you. For being an idiot. For putting myself in a hospital bed. For not trusting my coworkers. For putting other people's safety before mine. And for…whatever the hell else I fucked up with," Olivia laughed sadly, clutching at her wound that had suddenly begun to throb.

Alex bit her lip, the smile still plastered on her face. "Well I'm sorry too, Olivia."

"What are you sorry for?" Olivia asked, still not sure if the attorney had lost her mind.

"Can I let you in on a little secret?"

"Okay…"

"I was never going to leave you."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. She was, for certain, relieved that the most meaningful relationship of her life was not ending. But the other half of her wanted to throttle Alex. What was she thinking, playing with her like that? "Excuse me?"

"Oh, Olivia…" Alex finally sat down. "You should know before I explain myself that I feel like a Class-A jerk for doing this, but I hope you'll see that I had to."

"Good luck with that…" Olivia murmured.

"Just hear me out for a second. Keep in mind that everything else I said to you over the past ten minutes was true. I hate your job. I hate your devotion to these victims. I hate that you're willing to sacrifice yourself for others."

"Doing well so far, Alex," Olivia remarked sarcastically.

"Shut up. But I also love that you have the personality to do your job. I love that the devotion you have for the victims is the same devotion you have for your friends. And I love that you care so much for other people that you'll do anything to keep them safe."

Alex stroked back Olivia's matted hair. "But sweetheart, you need a reality check! There's a limit to all of these things before heroism, bravery, and courage become carelessness, recklessness, and stupidity. And getting shot in the stomach crosses that line…that thin blue line," Alex chuckled.

"And what were you trying to do Alex, teach me some sort of lesson?"

"Kind of," Alex admitted. "I thought maybe if you thought you were going to lose one of the things that you believe you're protecting, you'd have a reason to cool down. Honestly, Liv, I wanted to let you think I'd broken up with you for a few days, but when you started apologizing that way, I didn't want to make you sweat it anymore."

"Alex, that's…really cold." Olivia grasped Alex's hand and forced it off her head. "You want to talk about crossing a line? That's it."

"Olivia, I was only doing it for your own good because I love you and care about you."

"You love me, so you wanted to cause me more pain? Haven't I been through enough in the last twenty-four hours?"

"I didn't really break up with you, Olivia! And believe me, I thought about it! You're not the only one who's been through the pain!"

Both women were silent as they looked at each other. A moment passed before Olivia tentatively reached her hand back out and Alex slowly moved her own arm out to grasp that hand once more.

"We suck at this," Olivia finally said.

"We do," Alex sniffled.

"I'm sorry…again."

"Me too…again. This was a terrible plan. I wanted to kick your ass, but not this hard."

Olivia laughed. "I'd kick my ass too. What I did was reckless and I knew it from the beginning. But I promise this isn't going to happen again, okay Al? I do promise, I'll promise it now."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Alex said, a faint wink barely visible in the darkness. Olivia just shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes.

"All that trying to get me to promise and now you're telling me not to?"

"That's like asking to stop being Detective Benson. Although, if you find me stowed away in your back seat next time you drive off to do something stupid, don't be surprised."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me, Liv. I said I couldn't lose you and that's true. If you fall I'm going down with you."

Olivia smiled adoringly at Alex, who grinned right back at her. "Who died and made you a cop?"

"Thankfully, not you." Alex leaned down to Olivia and gently kissed her, reveling in the warmth of the other woman's face, resting her hand on Olivia's neck and making sure she didn't cause the wounded detective any more pain, physical or emotional.

"I can't believe I waited twenty minutes to do that," Alex whispered.

"Hmm. Next time, leave the undercover work to me," Olivia smirked. Alex pinched her gently on her chest just hard enough to make Olivia go "Ow!" and then soothed the tiny injury with another soft kiss. She rolled over next to Olivia and pressed her lips to the brunette's again, not wanting to lose that contact ever again.

* * *

><p><em>Seven hours (and very little sleep) later…<em>

"God, I can't believe Cabot," Casey sneered.

"We shouldn't bring it up now," Elliot shushed her. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted movement from the bed inside the room. He glanced inwards. "Hey, is she waking up?"

"No, she's not moving. Wait…who's that in there…?"

A flash of yellow appeared from underneath the thin blanket and two narrow feet popped out from the other end. Alex sat up and took in her surroundings. Olivia was still peacefully sleeping next to her as the morning light brightly illuminated the white room. She smiled to herself and unconsciously stroked Olivia's cheek, careful not to stir the detective. Finally, she looked up and across the room, where Casey and Elliot stood and smiled.

"Well how about that, all of my faith in Cabot is not lost," Elliot remarked.

Alex just smiled sheepishly back and gave a small, awkward wave. Softly, she patted Olivia on the arm to wake her up gently.

When Olivia began to grunt in tired frustration, Alex just chuckled. "Liv, we have visitors."

* * *

><p><strong><em>So is all right with the world again? I hope so...<em>**


	12. I Salute You

_**Sorry for this admittedly short chapter, but I know where I want to go with this next and it really just didn't fit into this chapter. You'll see what I mean :P**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

* * *

><p>"<em>You worried me, Alex. I trust the, ah, 'family emergency' has been cleared up?"<em>

"_Yes, everything is fine. Thank you for your concern."_

"_You pay me for my concern," the good doctor laughed. "Just a joke. Since paid or unpaid, I'm quite curious to know what dropped you off the face of the planet for two scheduled appointments, would you have any interest in sharing with me?"_

"_There's not much I can tell you, Doctor. Most of what happened is confidential information that is limited to the NYPD and the DA's office."_

"_I don't need to hear those details, Alex. They're important, but not to me. My only job is to find out what's going on in your head."_

_Alex sighed, tracing her hand across the armrest of the plush chair she sat in. "It was Olivia."_

"_Oh, so you weren't lying about the family emergency."_

"_I'm pretty sure I'm not related to Olivia, so yeah, I think I did lie about that."_

"_She's as much your family as anyone you've got left, isn't she?"_

"_Touché. Anyway, long story short, she put herself in a lot of danger. And I had to do a lot of thinking about whether I could deal with such constant risk in my life if I had the choice to avoid it."_

"_And what did you decide?"_

"_Well you know what? I've had to make this decision before. Last time, I took the safe road, and I wound up in Witness Protection for years. I isolated myself from everyone I ever knew and loved and basically lost everything I had. But was I safe? In theory, yes. I have news for you though—there were some Midwestern nights where I'd stand out in the middle of the road, wanting to scream and shout to the darkness, 'Here's ADA Alexandra Cabot, right here! On the Wisconsin Plain, not six feet under, I'm right here, come get me!', and wait for the bullet to cut through my head or the semi-truck to come out of nowhere and knock me down, because it just seemed better."_

_Alex paused to catch her breath. Dr. Rosen looked back at her calmly, sympathetically. "And now?"_

"_I'll still stand out there on the highway, watch all the cars go by, as long as Olivia stands next to me."_

* * *

><p>Recovery wasn't easy. The pain from the gunshot itself didn't compare to the pain of healing tissue around the vacuum in Olivia's body that used to be solid flesh. The adrenaline that numbed her when it happened didn't stick around very long. But even her girlfriend's cursing fits and threats to rip the IV needle out of her arm and stab the next person that tried to make her get up were not enough to keep away the stone faced Alex.<p>

"You need to go to physical therapy, and you know that. Now get up before I have to attempt to carry you."

"Yeah, I know how that will go down. Literally," Olivia grumbled. "Alright, alright, pull the friggin' chair over…"

"I bet if you ask one of the nurses very nicely, they'll be very happy to provide you with a walker. If you think you can handle that," Alex smirked.

"Which part, the walker part or the asking nicely part?"

"Yes."

"I'll have you know that I'm an extremely polite person!"

"When there are no holes in your body, sure. Stick a bullet through your belly and a hospital gown around your waist and suddenly you're no better than Stabler."

"Who is also very polite! Alex, you're so mean today."

Alex just smiled and shook her head. "Come on sweetie. This is the last time, and then you're out of here. You _do_ want to get out of here, don't you?"

"God, yes!"

* * *

><p>It was neither typical funeral weather nor a pleasant day. Olivia had been hoping for one or the other; either pouring rain from a ghastly gray sky, or bright sunshine gleaming through the air. But the sky was just slightly overcast, and the air was thick with humidity, though the temperature was rather comfortable. She sat in her mandatory wheelchair that she despised beyond belief no matter how many times Alex told her that it wasn't so bad and nobody had expected her to even be out in time for the funeral, much less show up at all, so a bit of assistance from the chair would hardly cross anyone's mind.<p>

Olivia felt awkward even being at this funeral. It was a joint ceremony for both Gillian Hardwicke and Garret Frazier, and it was just hitting her now how little she knew about either attorney. Well, not Frazier. She never knew him and wasn't pretending she had. But Hardwicke, she thought she knew. It wasn't until it was too late that she was able to break into the prosecutor's space and find out what was important to her, why she did what she did, or anything about her. If you'd asked, Olivia wouldn't have been able to tell you how many siblings Gillian had, even though she could tell you that Alex was an only child and Casey had two brothers. She didn't know where she grew up or even what car she drove. The same woman she put her life in jeopardy for, the same woman going in the ground that day, was someone she barely knew.

Yet the duty she felt to be there was not one bit lessened, as she sat straight and proudly in her chair, Alex on one side and Casey on the other each holding one of her hands firmly. They, along with Elliot and Cragen, watched as the former ADA's casket was lowered into the ground. Olivia's heart broke just a little bit when a folded flag was placed in the waiting arms of a preschool aged girl that stood bravely to her full three foot stature in the protective shadow of her mother, Allison Hardwicke. Gillian's niece accepted it with an innocent but fiery gaze, and taking care not to drop the American emblem, she picked up one of her hands to salute the officer that gave her the flag.

"Why are they folding a flag for her?" Casey whispered.

"Turns out Hardwicke was in the Navy," Elliot responded, pointing discreetly at a framed photo that was perched in front of the flower display next to the gravesite. In the picture, Hardwicke wore a khaki tan shirt with a clearly visible nametag on one side of her chest and on the other a silver insignia and several colorful ribbons. "Chief Petty Officer Hardwicke, that is."

"Why would she leave the Navy to work in the District Attorney's office?" Olivia chuckled. "Seems like a step down to me."

"Why?" Elliot replied. "I was a Marine, and I joined the force. Either way, she was protecting her country."

He was right. As she assessed the picture of Hardwicke, ever professional in her Naval dress, she suddenly felt a new respect for the woman that she hadn't felt before, and though she struggled in pain, she lifted her arms to the sides of the wheelchair and began to push herself up.

"Baby, what are you doing?" asked Alex, turning to Olivia and trying to put her hands on the detective's shoulders to push her back down in her seat, but Olivia shook her head violently in protest.

"Let me stand up, Alex."

"You're going to hurt yourself, Liv, sit!"

"I need to stand." Alex looked at her questioningly, but slowly drew her loosened grip back and put her hands back at her sides. She stepped in front of the wheelchair, giving Olivia's feet enough room to keep her steady on the solid ground but ready to provide a place to lean should her girlfriend need it. Olivia rose slowly but surely, ignoring the rushing pain in her stomach where the newly healing tissue whined at its disturbance. At the long lost yet vaguely familiar sensation of being completely vertical, she swayed a bit but smiled at the feeling of the wind on her whole body. She laid a hand on Alex briefly but quickly took it back when she found her balance relatively easily.

"You're up."

"I'm up."

And immediately Olivia tucked her thumb underneath her other four fingers and held her palm parallel to the floor as she brought it against the top of her forehead, grazing the rim of her dress cap.

"I salute you, Chief Petty Officer and Assistant District Attorney Gillian Hardwicke," Olivia said quietly. It wasn't loud enough for the participants at the front of the ceremony to hear her as the casket was lowered into the dirt, but loud enough for her colleagues and friends to know why she needed to stand so badly in respect of the deceased.

"As do I," Elliot announced in a voice to match Olivia's, and raised his own hand to his forehead, quickly followed by Cragen. Alex and Casey looked at each other, smiled, and silently agreed that though they were not officers of the law or the military, that they would give their own salutes to the fallen, their own kin, who fell in the line of duty not overseas, but at home, to respect the love of country and defense of its people that claimed the lives of these two lawyers—lawyers that weren't them, but could have been.

And the five of them stood in silent salute as the misty air covered mourners and mourned alike.


	13. Just You and Me

"Come on, Casey, just a few more!" Alex tugged on Casey's arm and pulled her through the racks of lacy dresses that tickled the skin on their bare legs.

"Alex, _nothing_ fits right," Casey whined in response. "I'm tired, and I just want to go home."

"You know, I've heard that when trying on clothes, if you get too discouraged and everything looks bad on you, it's really your mind, not your body," Olivia suggested.

"Okay, in that case, let's leave and try again some other time!" Casey continued to complain.

"Nonsense, red," Casey's sister Holly laughed. "We're not resting til you say 'yes to the dress,' as they say!"

Holly, though she had called Casey "red" since they were kids, sported hair that was even more fiery than Casey's and far wilder. Holly had always been the freer spirited of the two sisters, and Olivia and Alex could tell from the moment they met their friend's sibling and maid of honor. Today she wore a bright yellow fringy sundress that stuck out amongst the milder hues of Alex's blue pinafore dress, Casey's tan khakis and white blouse, and Olivia's jean shorts and black t-shirt. Holly had been running Casey and Olivia quite ragged the whole day, and Alex, bless her, was still trying to keep up with the intense redhead.

"Nothing looks good on me. I'm too damn tall and I have the body of a man," Casey pouted.

"A man with boobs?" Holly quipped.

"No you don't, Case," Alex glared at Holly and then looked back at Casey sympathetically. "You have an athletic body that is admittedly harder to flatter in a dress, but you will look simply breathtaking when we find you the right one."

"And this is what, the eighth boutique we've attempted to sift through?" Casey looked up at the sign for The Bridal Garden.

"Well, we haven't tried Kleinfeld yet," Alex winked.

"We're not all trust fund babies, Cabot!"

Alex just shook her head and turned her head back to Olivia. Five weeks had passed since the funeral and Olivia was up, walking, and had regained most of her strength, but the Novak sisters were quickly zapping it back out of her. "Babe, you okay?"

"I'm not entirely sure. Am I supposed to be able to feel my legs or is that just something that some people get to experience?" Olivia moaned.

"It's a luxury," Alex replied. "Ladies, you think we could break for lunch quickly before we continue this venture?"

"_Yes_," Casey responded quickly and emphatically, and turned her glance to Holly.

"Alright, fine, you out of shape weenies. Except Olivia, you get a break for the whole getting shot thing. But Casey, nothing with any salt or fat, or you'll get bloated and then you'll never like anything!" Holly instructed, wagging her finger at her younger sister.

Casey grumbled. "I want pizza."

"Not happening!"

* * *

><p>Four very long hours later, Casey had found the one. The dress, that is...sorry, Mark. When she walked out of the dressing room wearing dress number seventeen, Holly had jumped up screaming, Alex put a hand to her mouth, and even Olivia was speechless. It was a simple silhouetted dress, with a hem that swept across the floor, with just a few tiny beads running up and down the thick straps before the cinched waist.<p>

"Oh my God, red, you're a freaking princess!" Holly yelled.

"You look…statuesque!" Alex marveled.

"Wow…that's just…stunning," Olivia agreed.

"You guys really think so?" Casey asked, spinning awkwardly in the long gown. "Do I have a dress?"

"If you don't take that damn dress, sis, I'm gonna take it myself and save it for my wedding," Holly said.

"Like you would ever get married to anyone," Casey rolled her eyes.

"Hey, I've gotten proposed to three times!"

"And that's when you take off running!"

"Whatever, I'll wear it around town if I have to, but that dress is damn gorgeous and you had better buy it before I do."

"Or before I do," Alex blurted out thoughtlessly, then blinked a couple of times and looked at Olivia, who was smirking.

"Plan on marrying someone anytime soon, Alex?" she joked.

"Before this conversation becomes more awkward, can we go reserve this dress?" Casey interrupted.

"Yes, let's do that," Alex replied quickly, swallowing the lump in her throat and letting out a breath.

Casey looked herself over in the mirror one last time and smiled. "I'm going to be a bride," she said softly.

"And a beautiful one, Casey," Holly grinned, wrapping her arms around her sister from behind and kissing her cheek. "Now start stripping, but not in front of your gay friends."

Olivia threw Holly's purse at her back.

* * *

><p>"When can I quit doing these damn stretches?" Olivia griped, raising her left leg up to a ninety degree angle, holding it for five seconds, and then letting it fall back down. The previous day, spent chasing the phantom perfect bridal gown had been hell on her body but she hadn't felt it to its full extent until today.<p>

"Ease your leg down gently, don't just drop it," Alex said, grabbing hold of Olivia's lifted right leg and rolling her eyes. "And the answer to that is, when it doesn't hurt anymore."

"It doesn't hurt now," Olivia lied, but her grimace when Alex pulled her leg up just a bit further gave her away.

"Mhm. I hope you realize that gunshot wounds take several months to heal completely."

"I don't have several months."

"Why, trying out for the Olympics?"

"I could if I wanted to! But no. I'm just dying here and I need to get back in the field."

"You'll be back soon, Liv, but for now just let your body do its job, and let me take care of you," Alex smiled.

"I do like it when you take care of me…but I haven't taken care of you in weeks," Olivia replied, raising her eyebrows and scanning her eyes over Alex's body.

"And you're still not ready for that sort of activity," Alex laughed, pressing the tip of her finger to her lover's nose and using the advantage of her position hovering on top of Olivia to lay a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Ahh, but that's where you're wrong, Alex." Olivia lifted her chin and redirected Alex's lips to her own, letting them mingle for just a second before pulling away softly. "My body isn't ready to be on the receiving end, but it doesn't mean I can't do you a favor."

"Liv, you don't have to do that for me," Alex whispered, but as Olivia's lips began to graze her neck, she felt her resolve weakening. The featherlight kisses became more passionate suckling and Alex began to sigh happily.

"But I want to, Alex…we've been through too damn much in the last few weeks, and I've missed this, I've missed us. I've missed those sounds you make when you're in that small space between pain and pleasure, with your head thrown back and your hands clutching the sheets…"

"Oh…" Olivia began to ease the fabric of Alex's blouse up her torso and she fought the lingering pain in her waist to sit up and explore Alex's midsection with her mouth and fingers. She smelled Alex's flowery body wash and lotions and ran her lips over the smooth skin. Alex took the lead and removed the blouse completely.

"I've missed watching the way your body starts to glow when you get turned on," Olivia winked, running her fingertip underneath the cup of Alex's bra, slipping it underneath and then back out. Alex simply stared back lustfully.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself," Alex breathed out.

"I won't be hurting myself," Olivia chuckled. "I'll still be able to walk tomorrow. The question is, will you?" Grinning, she lifted Alex's bra over her breasts without bothering to peel it off her body and immediately latched onto one of the blonde's nipples. Alex groaned softly as Olivia swiped her tongue back and forth across the rosy bud and alternating teasing her other nipple with her fingertips and running her hand from breast to hip.

"My God, Liv…"

"I've missed that too, the way you say my name with such reverence and adoration…sometimes thrown in with a few swears when you're in the heat of your climax…" Olivia, having detached her mouth from Alex's breast brought it back to the attorney's lips. Alex hungrily swept her tongue into the detective's mouth, moving her hands all over her lover's body but frustratingly knowing she couldn't take it any further than that with the still recovering woman.

"Mm…" Alex began, and when Olivia broke apart from their kiss, she continued, "I don't swear."

"Yeah, okay," Olivia laughed. "We'll see about that in a few minutes…"

"Jesus, Olivia…I need you to touch me, please…" Alex backed off and stood up, hurrying to slip her jeans off her slim legs. She hopped back up on the bed where Olivia had been doing her regular stretches just a few minutes earlier, and now she was hoping to stretch a little bit herself. She placed her knees on either side of Olivia's body and stared down.

"Alex, never let me forget how sexy you are," Olivia said worshipfully, looking down from Alex's exposed breasts to the lacy black panties covering her final target.

"You never let me forget, why should I let you forget?" Alex smiled.

"I can't fucking wait until this damn thing finishes healing," Olivia growled, "but for now, come here, and let me show you what else I've missed."

They kissed again, even more passionately if possible, and soon teeth were practically mashing against teeth. One of them might have started bleeding from how roughly they kissed but neither would've noticed. But Alex definitely did notice when Olivia's hand finally dipped beneath her panties and began to explore the abounding wetness underneath.

"Yes…Olivia, please…" Alex whimpered as Olivia's finger began to roll over her swollen clit. The throbbing bundle responded fiercely to Olivia's loving touch, and Alex moaned again.

"I've missed how impossibly wet you get for me," Olivia continued, as Alex began to lose the ability to reply. "Thanks to that, when I finally slip inside of you…" Olivia carefully thrust two fingers into Alex's opening, "it's as though you're welcoming me with open arms…"

It wasn't long before Alex's breathing was erratic and labored and the moans became loud and pained. "God, fuck Liv!"

"There's the swearing," Olivia grinned. "It's sexy as hell…"

"Gah, shit…oh…" Alex closed her eyes and her mouth hung open as electricity flung through her body, and Olivia smiled at her job well done.

Alex came down from her high and rolled next to Olivia on her uninjured side, eyes still closed and beads of sweat glistening on her forehead. She didn't even bother to pull the bra back into place, she just lay there, recovering, until she came back to earth and met the gleaming eyes of her lover.

"I've missed this most of all…" Liv finished. "Just you and me."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Yay for happy, humorous chapters :)<em>**


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